Please Forgive Me
by HGRache
Summary: None of this had turned out the way she had wanted. Puckelberry
1. Chapter 1

Oh no. Oh God. No. No no no. Please, no.

But as much as she denied what was happening, Rachel Berry could not deny the pregnancy test in her hand, the very positive pregnancy test.

"Shit!"

She remembered the night very well. It was an unseasonably warm April in Ohio and everyone was enjoying it. Shorts and tank tops came out early for everyone and flip flops once again became a staple in the halls of McKinley High School.

Brittany's parents had gone on a wine tasting tour and she took the opportunity to throw a party. She knew, because everyone was talking about it. She wasn't expecting an invite, she and Brittany weren't really friends despite their shared New Directions membership, although she was one of the only Cheerios that was actually nice to her.

So when Brittany approached her by her locker one day she was surprised. No one, and she meant no one, in the Cheerios dared talk to her outside of the choir room.

"Hey, Rachel!"

"Hello, Brittany."

"Hey, I'm having a party at my house Friday night. You have to come!"

Rachel hesitated. "Oh, I don't think so."

"But you have to!" Brittany pouted. "Everyone's going to be there and we never see you at parties."

"I never go to parties," Rachel pointed out.

"Which is why you need to," Brittany said. "All of New Directions have been invited and I'd really like you to come, Rachel."

"I guess I could," Rachel said slowly. "For a little while."

Brittany beamed. "Yay! Awesome." She scribbled on a scrap of paper and handed it to Rachel. "Here's my address and phone number, call if you get lost. And wear something sexy! See you then!"

Rachel shook her head, completely baffled, as the other girl bounced down the hall. She had no idea why she had agreed to go to the party but Brittany had looked so happy when she had. She normally would be very suspicious of a party invite, having never received one before and being a favorite target of the McKinley jocks, but she liked Brittany and she didn't think the Cheerio would set her up for some sort of humiliation. Who knew, it may be fun.

She heard the music blaring from the house as soon as she pulled up. She had to park down the street, behind a multitude of other cars and walk to the house. The front door was open and through the screen she could see the house was packed. She tugged her skirt nervously. Brittany had said to dress sexy, and she had tried, but now she was wondering if she had succeeded. Fashion really was not her forte, she usually stuck to clothes that were cute and comfortable and slightly preppy. But tonight…Tonight she had opted for something a little different. She was wearing a strapless sky blue dress that her Daddy had bought for her on one of his trips overseas. She had never worn it before, it was slightly formal to wear to school but still casual enough that she had thought it a good idea for the party. She capped the look off with flip flops, hoping they toned down the dress even more. She had curled her hair and let it fall in loose curls down her back and her makeup was more pronounced than she usually wore it for school. She had thought she looked sexy, but now she wasn't sure.

She was hesitating in front of the house, debating whether to go in or not when she felt a hand on her arm. She looked up into deep brown eyes.

"Rachel!"

She smiled. "Hi, Matt."

"You came!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Yes."

He smiled down at her. "Good! Britt'll be happy, she wasn't sure you would. You going in?"

She nodded. "I think so."

He gave her an odd look but opened the door and held it for her. She thanked him and walked hesitantly into the party. She had planned on making a quiet entrance but Matt had other ideas.

"Britt!" he yelled. "Guess who I found?"

The perky Cheerio came bounding out of the kitchen. "Matt! Rachel! You came!"

"Um, well, you said to, so…"

Brittany laughed. "I'm glad you did. Come on, let's get you guys a drink." She looped her arms through Matt and Rachel's and led them through the kitchen. "The keg's over there," she pointed out to Matt. "And the other stuff's out on the table, if you don't want beer," she told Rachel.

"I'm not a big drinker," Rachel said.

"Oh come on, Rachel, it's a party," Britt said. "Just relax. No one here is going to be mean to you, I promise. And if they are, you let me know and I'll take care of it."

Rachel smiled genuinely at the girl. "Thanks, Brittany."

The girl smiled back before heading on to the next room. Rachel looked at the selection of alcohol on the table. She decided beer was definitely out. The smell alone was enough of a turn off. She saw all kinds of liquor on the table, but as her drinking experience was limited to an occasional glass of wine, she had no idea what to drink. There was so much to choose from, she didn't know how she would ever figure it out. Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, Southern Comfort, Jack Daniels, Skyy Vodka…how was she supposed to know what was what?

"Drinking underage? Berry, I'm shocked," came the sarcastic drawl from behind her.

She turned around to meet his eyes. "Noah."

His eyes travelled up and down her body. "Shit, Berry, you look smokin' tonight."

She blushed slightly under the intensity of his gaze. "Thank you."

Puck grinned salaciously. "No, thank _you_."

She rolled her eyes and turned her attention to the cup in his hands. "What are you drinking?"

"Jack and Coke." Noting her blank expression he chuckled. "Jack Daniels and Coke," he clarified.

"I have to mix them? I can't just drink them straight?" she asked.

He laughed. "Well, not if you wanna still be standing in a few hours."

She furrowed her brow. "I'm not a big drinker. I told Brittany that. Maybe I should just stick to water."

"Aw, come on, Berry, it's your first high school party, you have to do it right."

"I don't know what to drink," she said. "And I don't want to drink beer."

He skimmed the collection on the table in front of him. "I think Britt's got some Kamikazes in the fridge. I think she said they're not that strong, and they taste kind of girly, not too rough. Want one of those?"

She pondered that. "Maybe just one."

He grinned. "It's a shot, Berry. You can't do just one."

"Yes, well, I drove here tonight so I have no intention of getting completely drunk, unlike most of the people here."

He looped an arm around her shoulders and steered her toward the fridge. "I'm not drunk. Not yet. And I came with Mike, and I know he's not drinking tonight. So if anything happens, we can give you a lift home later."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because everyone has to have one drunken high school party and I know for a fact that you have not."

"I wouldn't say everyone needs to," she said, watching as he got the pitcher out of the fridge.

"It's a rite of passage, Berry," he said, pouring her a shot. He handed it to her. "Down the hatch."

She glanced at it uncertainly, taking a little sniff of the alcohol. "What's in this?"

"Vodka, Triple Sec, some other stuff. Christ, Berry, just down it." She glanced at him again and he had a thought. "Clearly, you've never taken a shot before, right? Ok, watch." He poured himself a shot in another shot glass. "You just take it all at once, swallow it. Chase it if you need to." She looked at him blankly so he took his shot, chasing it with a swig of his drink. Christ, that really was a girly shot.

"Ok. I think I can do that."

He poured himself another shot and held his glass to hers. "Good. Here's to you finally removing that stick from your ass and coming to play with us."

She giggled and downed her shot, making a small face. "That wasn't so bad."

He tipped the pitcher toward her. "Want another?"

"Maybe just one more."

He grinned and poured her another shot.

"Aren't you going to have one?"

"Sure," he said, filling his shot glass again.

"My toast this time," she said, and he could see her eyes were already brighter. "Here's to _you_ for not being an ass long enough to play with _me_."

He shook his head as she downed her shot, thinking he needed to clean out his ears or something because he could have sworn Rachel Berry just said something dirty to him…on purpose!

Matt and Finn wandered into the kitchen behind Rachel. "Hey guys," Matt said, coming over. "Whatcha doing?"

Rachel grinned. "Shots. Want one?"

"Absolutely."

So Puck got two more shot glasses out of the cabinet and they all had another shot. Which was when Santana came in and declared she had to take a shot with Rachel, or she wouldn't believe it had ever happened. So they all had another one.

Puck was starting to lose count of how many shots Rachel had taken, or how many he had taken, for that matter. He'd had a few drinks before she'd shown up, he hadn't been drunk, just loose enough to enjoy himself. But now his head was starting to swim and he figured it was worse for her, being as small as she was and obviously unaccustomed to drinking.

But apparently not, because she grabbed the pitcher from the counter and poured herself another shot. She raised her eyebrows at him and he silently tipped his glass towards her. Hell, if she could keep drinking, so could he. He was sure as hell not going to let tiny Rachel Berry drink him under the fucking table. She poured shots for Matt, Finn and Santana too, and then the pitcher was empty.

She pouted when she realized this and he had to admit, she was kinda cute when she did. And then he mentally slapped himself and cut himself off from the alcohol for the night. What the fuck was he thinking? This was _Rachel Berry_, she wasn't cute, she was fucking insane.

Seeing the pitcher empty and no more shots, Santana took off quickly, and Matt and Finn followed soon after, leaving Rachel alone with Puck at the counter. "I want some more, Noahhhh," she whined.

He chuckled. "There is no more, babe."

"But I want some."

"Well, I could find you something else if you want, but let's take a break first," he suggested. She was leaning all over the counter, apparently having problems standing upright. She was currently providing him with a nice view right down the front of her dress.

"I want something else."

"I know."

"You promised I could get drunk." She stuck her lower lip out again.

"You can, babe, I just want you to slow down so I don't have to help Mike clean vomit out of his car on the way home. Just a short break, I promise."

She crossed her arms over her chest and his eyes went straight to her cleavage. "Fine," she huffed.

He chuckled and threw his arm around her bare shoulders again, and Christ, what that did to him. "Come on, let's go sit down."

He led her into the living room and spotted Tina and Artie. Tina was sitting on the loveseat, and Artie had his chair pulled up beside her. He walked Rachel over and plopped her down beside Tina.

"I've got to piss, but watch her for a minute, would you?" he asked them.

Tina giggled loudly. "Sure!" Ok, so apparently Tina wasn't any better off than Rachel.

He glanced at Artie and the boy nodded to him, seeming sober enough, so he headed off to the bathroom.

There was a short line and he was gone about ten minutes. When he came back Tina and Artie were making out, the Asian girl sitting in Artie's lap. Rachel was gone.

"Artie!"

The boy pulled away from Tina, who moved her lips to his neck. "Uh, sorry man, she attacked me!"

"Where's Rachel?"

"Oh, I don't know, she was here a minute ago…" He looked mildly concerned until Tina's lips found his again and then everything else was forgotten.

Puck swore. He had to find her, she was definitely too drunk to be wandering around by herself at this party.

He didn't have to look long. She was in the kitchen with Quinn and Kurt, animatedly telling them some story that apparently required lots of large arm movements. Both were laughing with her as she moved.

He reached the group and breathed a sigh of relief. Quinn raised an eyebrow at him and he could immediately tell she wasn't drunk. She was flushed enough that he figured she was tipsy but she was probably one of the most sober people there.

Kurt, on the other hand, was hammered. He kept talking in a shrill, high voice that had Rachel cracking up. Puck even cracked a smile until he saw the empty bottle on the counter in front of them. He plucked it up and dangled it in front of their faces. "Who drank this?" he asked.

Rachel giggled. "I did."

Puck groaned. "Babe, that's vodka. Did you mix it with anything?"

She cocked her head. "Tequila?"

He groaned again when she and Hummel broke out in giggles. She was definitely cut off now, he decided. She had accomplished her goal and gotten piss drunk and he was cutting her off before she got sick, even though he suspected he may have been too late with that.

"Ok, Berry," he said, putting the empty bottle back on the counter, "let's go sit back down."

She tilted her head to look at him. "But I don't wanna sit down." She was slurring now and that made Hummel laugh even harder.

"Yeah, I know, but you've had a lot to drink and I think you should."

"Nope," she said simply. "I wanna dance." And then she was off and moving again and he cursed her for being so quick. Of course, he was kind of starting to feel the effects of the shots too, so maybe it wasn't just her.

He spotted her headed toward Brittany and the makeshift dance area she'd created in the family room. The blonde Cheerio squealed when she saw Rachel and pulled her into a dance. The music was loud and dirty and Puck found he was content to sit back and just watch Rachel move, hips swaying, eyes closed, tongue occasionally darting out to moisten her lips. Yeah, he could get used to this.

And then the music got dirtier and Santana came over and was dancing with Brittany and he suddenly found it hard to stand back and watch. He was more of a hands-on kinda guy. He grinned and headed to the dance floor, towards that hot little blue dress.

He came up behind her, hands pulling her hips into him immediately. She turned her head to look at him and he gave her his sexiest grin. "Dance with me, Berry," he said in a husky voice.

She melted back into him and he thought he was in heaven, his arms around her, her hair silky against his neck. Her ass was pressing against his favorite place and he had one hand around her waist and the other on her thigh. He could definitely get used to this.

She couldn't even make out the music anymore, she was so caught up in his touch. She was hot all over and she knew it wasn't just from the alcohol. His hands were on her, everywhere, and she knew he was feeling it just as much as she was. He moved his hips and pulled hers back into him and she knew she should be embarrassed, dancing like this in front of so many people, so many of her classmates. But she didn't. The only thing she felt right now was hot.

He spun her around to face him and he pulled her closer against him. Her chest rose and fell rapidly against his and she heard him hiss when she shifted her hips against his experimentally.

He lowered his lips to her ear. "Christ, Berry," he whispered before taking her earlobe in his mouth.

She closed her eyes, arching back when his lips found her neck. "Noah," she whispered.

"Get a room," someone yelled, passing them by.

They both pulled back and looked at each other then. He was just about to suggest taking her home when she grinned, the sexiest grin he had ever seen on a woman. "Sounds like a plan," she practically purred.

He pulled her to him again. "Seriously?" he whispered.

She shifted her hips against his again. "Seriously."

He turned them abruptly toward the stairs and her body ached at the loss of contact with him. She followed him closely, her free hand openly groping as he led her through the crowd downstairs.

When she looked again they were in an upstairs bedroom and he had her pinned against the door. "Fuck, Berry," he panted.

"I sure hope so," she said coyly.

He pulled her to him roughly, crashing his lips against hers. She whimpered as he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him. Then they were on the bed and she was on her back and his hand was between her legs.

And oh God it felt good. So good. She had never been touched like this before, not by anyone else, and she had no idea it would be so amazing. He really did have every right to brag about his sexual skills.

She felt a hot fire low in her belly and she tried to tell him but then his fingers were moving quicker and the fire was hotter and she literally saw stars. She heard herself cry out as her body tightened and exploded.

And then his lips were on her neck again and he was pushing her dress up around her thighs. She gripped desperately at his back, still trembling from the intense sensation.

"Noah," she whimpered.

He pulled back to look at her and she could see the fire in his eyes. The fire for her. "If you want me to stop, babe, now would be a good time to say so."

She opened her legs wider for him. "Noah, _please_," she whimpered again.

His lips attacked hers again and she felt his hands on her thighs. And suddenly there was an intense pressure and she gasped, turning her head from his.

He stilled instantly. "Are you ok?"

"Yes, I…I just didn't expect it to feel like that."

"You're a virgin? Fuck, Berry, I'm sorry."

"Noah, I'm not sorry. Not even remotely. That was amazing."

He grinned down at her and nuzzled her neck. "It ain't over yet, babe."


	2. Chapter 2

She woke up the next morning with the worst headache of her life. Her mouth felt dry like something had crawled in and died and when she tried to move the entire world spun.

And then she noticed the hand on her waist, the warm body pressing against her from behind. She fought to remember what had happened the night before, but everything was a bit fuzzy. She remembered taking shots with Noah and talking to Noah and dancing with Noah and…oh god, _that_, with Noah.

She doesn't remember what time they went to sleep or who fell asleep first, but she does remember everything else and wow, Noah Puckerman was as good as everyone was always saying he was. She suspected she would have a very difficult time walking for a few days.

He made a soft noise in his sleep and pulled her closer to him. She was hit with momentary panic. This was _Noah. _He had been with Quinn and Santana and countless other women. And now her. And she knew without a doubt that she was nowhere near as good as the others and she had no desire to hear him tell her that. She gently lifted his hand from her hip and slowly moved away from him. Her stomach rolled when she sat up and she knew without a doubt she'd be throwing up very soon, but her first task was getting the hell out of this room without waking him up.

She spotted her dress on the floor and slipped it over her head, not bothering to zip it all the way up. She crept out of the room, praying he didn't wake up. Her classmates were passed out all over the floor downstairs and she tiptoed past them, not noticing that one was awake and watching her. She grabbed her purse from the counter in the kitchen and made a mad dash toward her car, not even bothering to search for her shoes.

Puck knew before he even opened his eyes that he was going to have a killer hangover. His head ached, his mouth was dry, his entire body hurt. He opened his eyes gradually, praying the headache would hold off until he got some aspirin in him.

He was in a bedroom, alone. But the bed next to him was warm and he was pretty sure he hadn't slept here alone. He remembered brief flashes of the night before. Doing shots with Berry and the boys in the kitchen. Watching Brittany and Santana dance. Grinding on a hot little brunette in a sexy blue dress. Nothing about the sex, though he was sure he'd had some. His body had that nice relaxed feeling to it. He sat up, cringing at the pain that sliced through his head. The room was empty but the door was open and he was pretty sure someone had snuck out this morning, especially with the bed beside him still warm.

He climbed out of bed, put his clothes on and headed downstairs. Some people were still passed out on the floor but most of them were in various stages of waking up. He saw Quinn and Brittany in the kitchen. Quinn was making coffee and Brittany looked…about as bad as he felt.

"Morning," she grumbled, resting her head on the table.

He grunted back at her.

"Where did you end up last night?" Quinn asked.

"Bedroom upstairs," he grunted again. "Wash the sheets," he told Brittany. She just groaned again, covering her head with her arms.

"Who were you with?"

He shook his head. "Don't really remember. I had way more to drink than I fucking wanted to. It's all Berry's fault."

"Yeah, you guys were pretty trashed," Quinn said.

"Her too, huh? Where did she end up?"

"You don't remember her being drunk?"

"Fuck, no. I don't remember shit. Just a few things, but not much."

"You drank that much?"

"I have no idea," he admitted. "I had a few when I got here and then I was drinking with Berry and the guys and that's all I got. It's those fucking girly drinks, those stupid Kamikazes."

Brittany lifted her head from the counter. "You drank the Kamikazes?"

"Well, yeah, you said they weren't that strong so I figured it'd be ok for Berry to have a few. She's not much of a drinker."

Brittany groaned. "Puck, I didn't say they weren't that strong, I said they were too strong. That's why I hid them in the fridge. I didn't want anyone drinking them and throwing up all over the house."

"Christ, no wonder I feel like shit," he moaned.

"I wonder how Rachel is," Brittany mused, laying her head back down and closing her eyes.

"Did she stay here last night?" he asked Quinn. "I wonder how she got home."

"I think she got home ok," was all Quinn said.

He was about to respond when a few members of the hockey team filed into the kitchen to tell Britt goodbye and by the time they'd left his head hurt so bad he forgot what they were even talking about.

Rachel had been miserable all weekend. She'd had to pull the car over three times on the way home to throw up and, while she really wanted a shower, she was too weak to do anything but crawl into bed when she got home. She lounged around all weekend, feeling wretched and dreading going to school Monday, knowing someone would probably say something to her about her behavior.

As it turned out, no one did, expect Quinn and Noah. He was waiting at her locker Monday morning when she got there.

"Hey," he said, moving aside so she could enter her combination.

"Hey."

"Some party huh?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, I'm sorry," he said.

She looked up at him. "For what?"

He looked away, semi embarrassed. "I, uh…looks like I hooked up with some girl at the party and I feel like I should apologize to you. Did you get home ok?"

She looked at him with wide eyes.

"Berry? Are you ok? You got home ok, right? No one gave you a hard time or anything?"

She was still stunned that he didn't remember. He had no idea that he slept with her that night.

"Uh, yeah," she said, turning back to her locker, heart racing. "I got home fine."

"Ok. Cause I'd feel like a real jackass getting you drunk and then leaving you with some random guy while I was screwing around."

"It's fine, Noah," she said stiffly.

"Ok. Well, I think Santana's having a party soon, you should definitely go. Catch you later, Berry."

She leaned her forehead against her locker as he walked away. She didn't know what was worse, him remembering sleeping with her and her not being up to par, or his not remembering her at all.

Quinn cornered her in an empty girl's bathroom during lunch that afternoon. "You slept with Puck!"

"Keep your voice down," Rachel hissed.

"You slept with him!"

"Yeah, well, I was drunk."

Quinn smirked. "Yes, you definitely were."

Rachel cringed. "Don't remind me."

Quinn perched herself on one of the sinks. "So?"

Rachel looked at her. "So what?"

Quinn grinned. "Did he rock your world?"

"Quinn!"

The former Cheerio shrugged. "Hey, been there, done that, remember?"

Rachel wrinkled her nose. "Yes. And ew."

Quinn laughed again. "Seriously. But you two were hot last night. The dancing, the groping-"

"Stop!" Rachel held her hand up to silence the girl. "Let's just pretend that whole thing didn't happen."

"Why?"

"Because it didn't."

"But he said he had sex."

"Yeah, but did he say with who?"

Quinn frowned. "You guys didn't have sex?"

Rachel blushed. "Yes, but he doesn't remember it."

Quinn's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me? I thought he was just being a smartass when he told me that!"

"Nope, he came up to me this morning and said he was sorry for ditching me to hook up and he hoped no one messed with me. Basically."

"Rachel, I'm sorry."

The starlet shrugged. "It's better this way. I'm so mortified and I really don't want to be another one of Noah Puckerman's conquests. Now I can just forget it ever happened."

And she had forgotten. Until she had that positive pregnancy test in her hand. Of course she would be one of those girls that got pregnant the first time they had sex. Yet another thing she and Quinn had in common now. She probably should have expected it with her luck, she wasn't on the pill and condoms are only 98% effective. If they even used one, which she can't remember and since he was so drunk he doesn't even remember it was her underneath him, she doubted he remembered the condom either.

She sat on her bed, the test in her lap, not quite knowing what to do. She could tell him, of course, that would be the responsible thing to do, as she had reminded Quinn after her baby reveal came out last year. Of course, everything was different now that it was her. She got it now. Check.

Puck had actually been pretty decent to her recently, talking to her in the hallways, sitting with the group and including her in glee club practice. He had mellowed way out since his slushie and dumpster throwing days and he got along with almost everyone now. She knew how hurt had been when Quinn had told everyone her baby was Finn's, and how he had struggled over the adoption, even though he agreed it was ultimately the right thing to do. She could tell him and it might be ok.

But then she was reminded that he didn't even remember sleeping with her and might not even believe her. Why should he? She could be any girl who made a mistake with any guy and went to the guy she knew would do the right thing, as he had tried to with Quinn. No, Noah Puckerman had no reason to believe she was carrying his child.

And her dads…they were going to be so disappointed. She hadn't told them about the party, obviously, or about the sex. She had tried really hard to forget about it, but when she'd heard two girls complaining in gym class about cramps, she realized she didn't have any. And when she'd looked at the calendar and realized she was almost two weeks late, she panicked. And the pregnancy test she'd driven 50 miles to buy, lest someone she knew see her and spread it all over town, said positive and she was _freaking out._

She wasn't showing yet, not even close, judging by when Quinn had started showing, but summer was coming and she knew her baby bump would definitely be visible with her summer clothes and, even worse, when school started back up in August. She had seen Quinn, the looks and stares and whispers she attracted, walking down the hall, stomach protruding. And the bigger she got, the more attention she got. Rachel was pretty sure she couldn't handle that, especially if Noah was going to be one of those people talking and whispering, wondering what happened and with who.

Abortion was out of the question. Not a viable option. While she was firmly pro choice in her view on the subject, she knew in her heart that was not a choice she could ever make. She immediately rejected the idea of keeping the baby. She had secretly supported Quinn's adoption choice all along, no high school girl was really capable of providing a baby with a good home and a good life, not really. She knew already without even really thinking about it that adoption was going to be her choice also.

What she didn't know was how she was going to tell her fathers. Deal with school. The pressures and the whispers and rearranging the dancing in New Directions to accommodate a girl who couldn't move around much. Damn Noah and his potent sperm!

The tears welled in her eyes as she fought the feeling of desperation. She needed to focus. Reaching for a tissue, her eyes caught a piece of paper on her desk. It was to the New York Academy for the Performing Arts. They had accepted her for a summer program, she'd gotten the letter only yesterday. One more thing she'd have to give up.

She wiped her eyes and glanced at the paper again. Maybe…She shook her head, wiping the idea from her mind. She'd never pull it off.

But maybe…

It was an eight week program, most of the summer. She'd be showing by the end of it but maybe...she could go. Or kind of go. Head to New York under the pretense of attending the academy and stay there. She could make up some excuse when it was time to come back, she'd figure that out when she came to it. It could work, if she really went all the way with it. She was a born actress, after all, and she could cry on demand if she had to. Her fathers had been so excited about her acceptance, there was no way they'd hold her back from an opportunity like this. Maybe…


	3. Chapter 3

_He pulled her to him roughly, crashing his lips against hers. He lifted her easily off her feet and she whimpered and wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the bed. Her dark hair fanned out over the pillow and his fingers brushed down the blue dress and settled between her thighs. Moments later she was coming apart, shuddering around him and his lips found the curve between her neck and her shoulder. She spread her legs wider and he sank into her…_

Puck shot bolt upright in bed, breathing hard. Christ, that dream again? He'd been having it almost nightly since Brittany's party and he couldn't fucking figure out why. He kept hoping to see the girl's face, maybe find out who he'd slept with because he still didn't know, but every night he only saw the dark hair.

He felt like it was right there, staring him in the face, but he just couldn't remember. He'd remembered various little things from that night, like Kurt's high pitched laughing in the kitchen, Tina molesting Artie in his wheelchair, but he couldn't seem to remember much after that. He figured that must have been when the alcohol really kicked in. No one he talked to had seemed to know much more than he did, and apparently no one had seen him go upstairs, though Quinn had been strangely silent on the subject, almost as if she knew something he didn't.

He wondered why it even mattered to him. It's not like that was his first one night stand that he couldn't really completely recall. But fuck, it had been hot. He remembered that much. He hadn't been that impatient since he first started having sex. He liked to draw it out, make the girl squirm a little, attend to her needs and let the anticipation build. But he clearly remembered being so hot for that girl, whoever the fuck she was, that he couldn't wait, had to touch her, taste her, be inside her. He just wished he remembered who she was.

He was determined not to drink that much at Santana's party the next night. He might not even drink at all. He so did not need another night he didn't remember. He debated calling Berry to see if she wanted a ride, he'd drive and let her drink. She seemed to have fun last time and everyone liked her well enough now that San said she could come. The more he thought about it, the more the decision was made. He'd drive her to the party and let her get drunk. She needed more fun in her life.

Rachel slumped down in her chair in math class one Friday morning. Her stomach was rolling and even though she was hungry there was no way she was eating. She had tried that yesterday and spent most of the morning in the nurse's office claiming flu-like symptoms. She jumped when she felt someone sit down next to her.

Noah sat there grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Berry."

"Noah, what are you doing in here?"

"Berry, I'm in your math class, have been all year."

"I've never seen you in here."

"Yeah, well, I also haven't attended a math class in two years." He grinned, like this was something he was proud of.

She glared at him agitatedly. "What do you want?"

"Cranky today, Berry?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

He leaned back in his chair. "Just wanted to know what time you want picked up for Santana's party tonight." She looked at him blankly. "You know, I'm driving, you're letting loose and drinking? Sound familiar? We just talked about this a few days ago."

"Yeah, I just don't remember agreeing to that," she said.

"Well, technically you said you'd think about it."

"Ah." She nodded.

"So, what time?"

"I don't think I'm going to go."

He groaned. "Come on, Berry, the last one didn't kill you, did it? Live a little, be social, eat, drink and be merry, all that jazz."

"Noah, thank you for the offer, but I'm busy tonight. But I do appreciate the Broadway reference."

He winked at her. "Thought you would."

She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, you have fun, don't drink too much."

"Aw, come on, Berry, you're really going to make me go by myself? That's no fun," he whined.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, Noah," she said. You've done fine at all the rest of them."

He grinned at her. "That's before I knew what a fun drunk you were, Berry."

"_I want some more, Noahhhh," she whined._

The flashback came out of nowhere and he shook it off quickly. "Come on, Berry, what do you say?"

She gave him a look before pulling out her textbook. "Sorry, Noah, I told you, I have some things to do. Thanks anyway."

He scowled at her and was about to head for the door when the math teacher (he assumed) came in and started class. Shit, now he was actually going to have to sit through a math class.

Rachel Berry felt like such a despicable person. Horrible. Repugnant. She had never lied to her fathers before. Ever. Ok, well, sure, about some things, like "Yes, Daddy, that new dish you made _was_ delicious" or "_Of course_ I'd love to watch boxing with you, Dad." But never about anything major or huge like she just had. She felt awful about it.

They had agreed to let her go to New York. She had altered the details slightly, saying she would be responsible, like the other students, for paying rent on a small apartment in the school's area and would be financially responsible for all of her necessities as well. Dad had raised an eyebrow at that, but Daddy had reminded him that this was _New York_ and they did things like that to weed out the serious kids from the kids just looking to get away for the summer.

Rachel had gulped at that, but her fathers hadn't noticed.

They agreed to everything. They agreed to finance her travel to the city, pay for her apartment all summer, give her all the money she needed, even going so far as to sending their credit card with her for the trip. They were so excited and beaming with pride that she felt about two inches tall.

But it was set. She was "RSVP-ing" to the program by mail and would be headed into the city exactly five days after school let out. Now that she had that settled she felt like she could breathe a little easier. The blind panic wasn't quite so suffocating anymore.

It had been hard not having the details ironed out. Noah had been talking to her more than ever and she had suspected he remembered something or that Quinn had told him. But the former Cheerio captain had assured her that she hadn't, and wouldn't say a word about it, and she swore that if Puck said a word to her about remembering anything else, she'd let Rachel know immediately. Who would have thought Quinn Fabray would turn into such an ally?

Of course, she was just as in the dark as almost everyone else. Rachel had no intention of telling the girl she was leaving, pregnant or that she wouldn't be back to school next year. She almost thought that maybe Quinn would see the chance for a little revenge, despite the fact that she had told Rachel immediately after the babygate reveal that she wasn't angry with her.

It was ironic the way things turned out sometimes.

Puck loved the last week of school. Teachers stopped even trying to teach anything, instead showing movies or giving them stupid busy work that no one bothered to do anyway. There was nothing to keep him from math classes the last week of school so he found himself actually showing up this year.

Besides, the more math classes he went to the more chance he would have to torment Berry. This was the time for parties and he was determined to get her to almost all of them. Well, half, which was probably all his charm and his outstanding guns would get her to concede to. But it was better than nothing. She had been so uptight these last few weeks, ever since Britt's party, if he really thought about it.

She wouldn't talk about it. Not that he was the one she would really talk to anyway, but he felt it was to his credit that he tried. Every time he asked, she said she was fine. He was almost positive she was lying but Rachel Berry was as stubborn as they came, and if she didn't want to talk about it, well, it wasn't going to be talked about.

There wasn't really anything drastic, anyway, not really. She still went to all her classes, still maintained her astronomical GPA, still showed up at glee club, but he could feel something off with her. She looked exhausted, first of all. Pale, dark circles under the eyes, but when he asked, she assured him she was fine and that she'd been keeping a rigorous study schedule for finals. She wasn't as vocal in glee club anymore. Sure, she was there, and she tossed out some ideas, but mostly she just kept to herself until she was asked for her input, which was very un-Rachel Berry.

And there was the thing with Quinn. He had seen the girls ducking out of a third floor bathroom several times, separately, but he could tell something was up. Both girls darted nervous looks up and down the hallway before leaving the bathroom, and walking in opposite directions of each other. It had definitely piqued his curiosity and he wondered what they were up to.

He grinned to himself. His birthday was coming up next month, maybe his girls were planning something epic. And then he stopped himself, wondering when the hell Rachel Berry had become one of "his girls." Quinn, he could understand, she was the mother of his only (that he knew of) child and they shared a bond that no one else really understood and he doubted anyone ever would. But Berry…they were friends, somewhat, and somewhat not. They didn't hang out other than glee club, didn't talk outside of school. But he thought maybe she wasn't as crazy as she had seemed and he had seen a totally different side to her at Britt's party.

_He watched the gorgeous brunette on the dance floor, blue dress tight on her hot little body. She swayed her hips back and forth to the music, tossing her dark hair when she moved. His gaze travelled down her body, stopping where the dress ended just before her knees, admiring long, toned legs. She had on blue flipflops and that shade of red on her toenails just screamed "dirty girl"._

He shook the flashback away. Fuck, he needed to figure out who the hell this girl was, she was driving him crazy and he didn't even know her name. He had never found himself this entranced by a girl before, ever. He was Puck, he could have any chick he wanted, why the hell was this one so special he couldn't stop thinking about her?

He started thinking about the parties being thrown this summer and he couldn't help but hope that smokin' hot brunette made another appearance, both at the party and in his bed.

Last day of school, Rachel thought happily as she slid into her chair in the choir room. Only a few more days and she could breathe easily-well, relatively easily- for the next few months. She had no qualms that her life in New York was going to be hard, especially the continued deception of her fathers, but she was an actress, this was her show. She could do it.

She hadn't given a lot of thought to it beyond that. She had started a basic search of successful adoption agencies in New York but had decided to wait to meet with any of them personally until she got there. She had contracted a realtor who had found her a small, tiny apartment near the academy. The rent each month was cheaper than she was telling her fathers, and she again reminded herself that she was a terrible person, but she knew that money was probably going to become an issue for her at some point and she hadn't made any decisions about getting a job yet.

She knew these next few days were going to be torture for her. Just this morning she had stood in front of her mirror, shirt pulled up, examining her tummy. It didn't look like a baby bump, she had decided, it just looked like she had cut down her fitness routine and gotten a little flabby. She wore a looser sweater with her skirt today.

She hadn't really taken the time to examine the emotional ramifications of the whole situation yet. She had handled the situation in typical Rachel Berry style: identify the problem, examine the options and formulate a plan, complete with lists and alternate solutions. She knew sooner or later the whole thing was going to hit her, especially in New York, alone, but she knew she was doing what she had to. This was the best thing for everyone involved: herself, not yet ready to be a mother, her fathers, not yet ready to be disappointed by their shining star of a daughter, the baby, who would have a much better home with someone else, and Noah, who didn't even remember making this mistake with her.

She snorted. He really did have the most potent sperm on the face of the plant.

"Something funny, Berry?"

She looked up and found him staring at her, an amused smirk on his face. She often wondered how many different smirks he had; they seemed endless and they were all different.

"Hello, Noah."

"No, seriously, did you just snort? Rachel Berry, snorting? What has the world come to? Next thing we know you'll be showing up to school in jeans next year!"

She rolled her eyes, knowing full well that she wasn't coming back next year. "Yes, Noah, I live to shock you all."

"Wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, Berry." He winked at her and took the empty seat next to hers. "Got any big plans this summer?"

"No, nothing special," she lied. "Dance classes, vocal training, the usual."

"Well, make sure you leave some time penciled in for me. All the best parties happen in the summer and we've just started to get you loosened up. By the time summer's over, you'll be almost normal!"

"My, what big aspirations you have, Noah," she drawled.

He threw her a dirty look. "You have _no_ idea, babe."

She cringed then, because, yes, she did have an idea, a very good idea, just how, er, big, his aspirations were. She was saved from the conversation by Mr. Schuester's entrance.

"Well, guys, this is our last meeting for the year and I just want to say how proud I am of all of you," he said. "We've gone from a small group of us to the twelve of us there are today. This has truly been an amazing year for glee club and I can only hope I've inspired you all this year as much as you've inspired me. So we're not going to practice today, we're not going to try to hit those notes or learn those steps, today we're going to have pizza, on me, put on some music, and just relax."

The kids cheered, some of them misty eyed at Schue's speech. Schue hooked up his iPod and went to pay for the pizza as the kids crowded around together. Matt and Mike started a dance party in the middle of the floor and the Cheerios soon joined them. Rachel leaned back in her seat and sighed. She thought it was the perfect way to say goodbye to New Directions and her fellow glee club members.


	4. Chapter 4

The first decent party of the summer turned out to be at Matt's house, about a week and a half after school let out. Puck had texted Berry as soon as the date had been set, letting her know she was going and he'd drive her. She didn't respond but he really didn't think much of it.

He texted her again the morning of the party, and when she still didn't respond he called her. Still no answer, so he left a teasing voicemail about how it wasn't that easy to avoid him and he was picking her up at 9:00.

When he showed up at her house he noticed all three cars in the driveway and cringed a little. He was really hoping to avoid her dads. He'd met them before, and they seemed ok, but as a general rule dads hated him. It was like they could sense all the things he would do to defile their daughters. Which, of course, he usually did.

One of her dads answered the door, and he couldn't remember which one he was. "Ah, good evening, Mr. Berry. Is Rachel ready?"

Her dad gave Puck a strange look. "Rachel?"

"Yeah. We're going to a party, I told her I'd pick her up. I'm not drinking, I swear," he was quick to reassure the man.

"Rachel's not here," her dad said slowly.

"Oh. Did one of her dance classes run late or something? Figures," he smirked.

Her dad shook his head, still giving him an odd look. "No, Rachel's out of town for the summer."

Puck started. "Wait, so she's not even here?"

"No, I'm sorry, she's out of state."

Puck's mind was racing as he thanked her father and headed back to his car. Gone. For the summer, her dad had said. She must have known about it for awhile now if she was going to be gone that long, why in the world wouldn't she have said something, especially all the times he'd mentioned getting together over the summer?

He was still mulling things over in his head when he arrived at Matt's. Quinn, Finn, Santana and Mike were all in the kitchen, perusing the alcohol selection. They greeted him and he gave them a halfhearted greeting in return.

Finn came over and gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder. "Hey man, what's up?"

Puck shrugged. "Same old, same old. Hey, did anyone know Berry was leaving town for the summer?"

No one did, but no one seemed particularly concerned either. He did a shot with the guys and tried to get in the party mood. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and started talking with Finn about next year's football team.

Brittany came in a few minutes later. "Hey, guys!"

They all greeted her and she grabbed a drink from the fridge, pausing to snap a picture of Santana and Quinn with her camera.

"Oh! I almost forgot! I printed out some pictures from my last party, you guys wanna see?" she asked. "There are some really funny ones."

They all crowded around her, looking at the various pictures: one of Artie and Tina making out, one of Hummel laughing in the kitchen, face redder than a tomato.

Puck snatched the next one out of Britt's hands. It was a picture of him and Rachel. Dancing. Her with her dark hair and sexy blue dress. The next picture showed them still dancing, but _much_ closer, heads bent together, arms entangled. He was pretty sure his lips were on her neck.

It all started coming back to him then. The brunette in the blue dress he vaguely remembered dancing with. The dark hair fanned out across the pillow in the bedroom.

_He led her to an upstairs bedroom, the first open door he saw and pulled her in behind him. He closed the door and pressed her against it. "Fuck, Berry," he panted._

_She smiled demurely at him, running her hands down his back. "I sure hope so," she purred._

Oh, Christ, he fucked _Rachel_. _Rachel_ was the girl he couldn't remember, yet couldn't seem to get out of his head. Oh fuck.

Puck looked around the group as they continued browsing through Britt's pictures. Only Quinn seemed to be paying attention to him and when she raised her eyebrows he got the distinct impression that she was not as surprised about this as he was.

He grabbed her arm and led her outside. "Did you know?" he hissed.

"Know what?"

He glared at her. "Did you know that I had sex with Rachel?"

"Of course," she told him.

"Could you not have clued me in on that when I told you I didn't remember who the fuck I went upstairs with?"

"She asked me not to," Quinn said.

"What?"

"I talked to her at school that Monday. I had seen her sneak out of Britt's that morning, and it was pretty obvious something had happened. And then you said you had been upstairs with someone but didn't remember who… She told me she had talked to you and you didn't remember that it was her. She said she wasn't going to tell you and she asked me not to either."

"Why wouldn't she just tell me?"

"Maybe because she was embarrassed?" Quinn said. "She's not like the other girls you've slept with, Puck. She was drunk out of her mind and that's not something she would usually do. It was probably her first time."

"It was," he said quietly. "I remember now."

"_Noah, please," she whimpered. _

_And as soon as he was sure she wanted it, his hands were on her again, lips on hers, hot and insistent. God, this chick drove him nuts. He ran his hands up her thighs, feeling her muscles quiver at his touch. He guided himself into her, his body relishing the tight fit. He heard her gasp and felt her lips leave his and he stopped moving immediately._

"_Are you ok?" he asked._

_She had a pained look on her face. "Yes, I…I just didn't expect it to feel like that."_

_He glanced down at her in concern. "You're a virgin? Fuck, Berry, I'm sorry." God, he was such a jackass, this shouldn't be how her first time was._

_She smiled at him, her brilliant, radiant smile. "Noah, I'm not sorry. Not even remotely. That was amazing."_

_He grinned down at her and nuzzled her neck. "It ain't over yet, babe." And he knew that while it wasn't the ideal setting for her first time, he would definitely make sure she enjoyed herself. Over and over and over again._

"Oh God, I'm such an asshole," he groaned.

"Puck, you guys were drunk," Quinn said. "_Very_ drunk. You guys made a mistake. It happens."

"I just feel like such an asshole for not remembering it. I told her I hooked up with some chick at the party and apologized for abandoning her. Could she not have told me then?"

"Maybe she was hurt," Quinn said quietly. "Maybe a girl wants to be remembered, and when you obviously didn't, maybe she was hurt."

"I'm such a dick."

"Puck, you're not. Listen, you guys just made a mistake. It wasn't ideal but it happens, ok? And she doesn't hate you, right? I've seen you guys talking since then."

"Yeah, but only when I initiated the conversations," he pointed out. "Plus she left town for the summer and didn't even bother to tell me that when I talked about all the parties I was going to drag her to this summer."

Quinn raised an eyebrow and he realized just how much the gesture irritated him. "Is there something going on there?"

"No, just…I don't know, she's not as bad as I always thought she was, you know? She's not always annoying or loud or…whatever. I had fun with her at Britt's party. And I knew that _before_ I remembered sleeping with her, so it's not just that. Although that was pretty damn hot, let me tell you."

Quinn grimaced. "Please don't."

"The point is, I was kind of ok with hanging out with her this summer. I mean, at parties and stuff."

"Of course."

"She's just not so bad, you know?"

Quinn nodded. "I do. I really do. She was so nice to me when everyone else was saying horrible things and it really made me see her, because I definitely would not have been the same way. I would have tormented her if I had the chance. But she didn't."

"I think there's a lot more to her than people see. She's just so…in your face all the time, but she isn't always, and those are the best times to be around her. You just get to see her. And fuck, I sound like a girl. I'm getting another beer."

He stalked back into the house and Quinn giggled. Things were definitely going to be interesting when Rachel came back to Lima.

Rachel was exhausted by the time she finally got settled in her new apartment. It wasn't much, not really, just a little studio apartment in a neighborhood where she wasn't as likely to get mugged or shot. Her furniture had been moved in, what little she had brought, and most of her clothes were unpacked.

She had been nervous that her fathers would insist on coming with her to get settled and somehow find out about the ruse she'd created. But then Dad had gotten a big case at the law firm and Daddy had gotten involved with a huge medical trial at the hospital and they were both too busy to leave work for an extended period of time. They both promised to visit as soon as their schedules had settled down and she had settled in. She knew she would be coming up with an excuse when that time came. She had started growing a little more, not a lot, but her skirts were getting tighter every day. Pretty soon she was going to have to find something else to wear.

She had just crawled in bed to relax for the evening when her phone chirped, signaling a text message.

**Noah (9:57pm) we need to talk**

He had texted her earlier and called her about Mike's party, and she figured now was about the time he figured out that she wasn't going to the party. Her phone chirped again.

**Noah (10:02pm) im serious berry we really need to talk**

She didn't answer him and she had no plans to.

**Quinn (10:05pm) he knows**

Rachel gasped. He knows? How does he know? Did she tell him? She promised!

**Noah (10:06pm) i know i was a jerk and i'm sorry i didnt remember britts party but i do now. talk to me?**

**Quinn (10:07pm) britt had pics from her party and he saw them and remembered, didn't tell him i swear**

**Noah (10:08pm) berry please just talk to me. where are you?**

**Noah (10:11pm) ill make it up to you rachel i swear**

Rachel put her phone down in shock. This is so not what she anticipated happening. She assumed he'd never remember that night and she hadn't seen anyone with a camera, but apparently Brittany had one. Oh, this was so not good.

She made the decision not to answer any of the text messages, from Noah or Quinn. Cutting contact right now was the best bet. She couldn't talk to him now, not when she was alone and scared and going to be getting fatter every day. It was too much. And she feared now that he knew, Quinn would try to be "helpful" and would tell him everything, including where Rachel was, which is why she hadn't told the girl to begin with. She could only hope her fathers didn't divulge her whereabouts to anyone while she was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Lying was exhausting. Rachel's fathers called her almost nightly to find out about the music program and her experiences. They had already tried to schedule two visits to the city to see her but she managed to put them off by telling them how busy she was learning and getting valuable experience.

In truth she was pretty much exhausted day in and day out. She had gotten a job as a waitress in a bar a few blocks over. The woman who ran the bar was intimidating and had a no nonsense attitude and Rachel had been honest with her from the start, telling her about her pregnancy and that she was only seventeen. The woman had hired her anyway and Rachel was too relieved to question it.

She knew her fathers said they would pay for her stay the whole summer, but she knew that when summer was over, if she couldn't convince them to let her stay in the city, she was going to have to be able to pay her own way. It killed her to think of how that conversation was going to go, and that it may end with her virtually running away from home, but she thought it really was the best option for all those involved. Better than disappointing them with news of their first grandchild.

She had been in New York for a month and a half and her life was consumed with work, work and more work. She took every shift available, sometimes working 16 hour days to make money. Her clothes were almost all too tight now, and she'd had to break down and buy some bigger things to wear to work. Her time at home was spent in sweats and t-shirts, tank tops on the hotter days. She had managed to get herself into a deep rut, but she always managed to pull out her acting skills when her fathers called.

It was the middle of July when her fathers suggested their next visit.

"Sweetie, you're only going to be in the city a few more weeks, and we haven't even been up to see you," Daddy said.

"Oh, Daddy, I know, I've just been so busy," she told them.

"Honey, we're so proud of all your hard work, we just want to come see you. We miss you," Dad chimed in on the other extension.

"I know, it's just that, between classes and auditions and my friends that I don't really have much spare time, other than sleeping."

"Auditions? I thought you were there for classes," Dad said.

"Oh, we are," she lied. "But the instructors have set us all up with a few small auditions while we're here, nothing major or anything, but they said that we should get all the experience we can while we're here. They want us to get used to the audition process and the rejection and how to properly handle it so we're better prepared when we all graduate and move here."

"Well, now that makes sense," Daddy said. "These New York schools, they know how to do it."

Rachel had gotten off the phone soon after, barely feeling guilty about the new round of lies. She had been lying for months, so what were a few more lies going to matter anyway?

Puck was glad that school was starting soon. This summer had not shaped up like he had hoped it would. Rachel was still out of town and still not responding to his texts or phone calls. He knew Quinn had texted her as well, and hadn't received an answer either.

To say he regretted his actions the night of Brittany's party was an understatement. Sure, the sex had been hot and Berry had been hot but he felt like such a jackass every time he thought about it. She was his friend, kind of, and he felt bad for doing what he did to her, mostly for forgetting it afterwards but he wasn't so deluded as to think he was the kind of guy her first time should have been with.

He would talk to her when school started. He would find her and make her listen to him, at least so he could apologize to her face and not through some electronic device. He owed her that, at least.

She made up a very elaborate story about staying in New York. She told her fathers that one of her instructors at the academy was extremely impressed with her and offered her a slot in their school once the regular year started. She said she could stay in the student dorms provided by the academy and transfer her credits from McKinley and graduate on time. She cried and begged and pleaded, using the words 'dream' and 'success' as many times as she could.

They didn't say no right away, which was what she had expected. Daddy was quiet and Dad told her they would think about it and let her know. She wasn't holding her breath on that one and made note to get whatever clothes she would need for the remainder of her pregnancy and to go grocery shopping again before they cut her off when they found out she wasn't coming back to Lima, one way or the other.

She had her job at the bar, which, admittedly, was getting more difficult as she got bigger. But she had saved every penny she earned there and she thought she would be ok for awhile. She wouldn't be able to enroll in any kind of high school, having instead to work all the time to support herself, but she could always get her GED later, that was of no consequence to her. She was just concerned with getting through these next few months.

The adoption agency she had chosen told her that if she chose an open adoption some couples would pay for her expenses and medical bills but she didn't want that. She wanted nothing to do with whoever adopted her baby, didn't want to know who they were or anything about them. It was too hard and she didn't think she'd be able to stand it.

She had worked herself into a deeper depression these past few months alone in the big city. She cried herself to sleep when she felt her baby move for the first time, lay in bed with all the lights off and cried some more whenever she received a text or voicemail from Noah, which was pretty frequently. She had always been prepared to be lonely, but she was supposed to be a star and have everything she wanted when that happened, not five months pregnant and alone in an empty apartment, her secret weighing on her shoulders alone.

None of this had turned out the way she had wanted.

Her dads said no to her staying in New York. She kind of figured they would.

"We just don't think it's a good idea, Rach," Daddy said gently. "You should come home and go back to glee club and graduate with your friends. You've worked so hard to make it through four years of high school, you should enjoy your last year here."

"We know it's an amazing opportunity for you, honey, but we believe it won't be the last one," Dad said. "You're going to be so successful, we just want you to have the chance to finish high school here and close this chapter of your life properly before you move on to the next one."

"I understand," she said quietly.

"We're sorry, baby," Daddy said. "When do your classes end? We want to go ahead and book your flight home."

She took a deep breath. "I'm not coming home," she said.

"But honey, we just said-"

"I know what you said," Rachel cut him off. "But I'm not coming home. I'm staying in New York."

"Honey, I know the school offered you a residence in their dorm but you won't be able to support yourself," Dad said in a warning tone. She knew what that meant: don't even think about it.

"I've been working," she tells them. "I have money saved. I can support myself here."

"Rachel, just think about this for a second," Daddy pleaded. "You only have a few months of high school here and then you can move back to New York, and you'll have our blessing when you do. Please come home, baby."

"I can't," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, but I can't."

She hung up then, running herself a nice hot bubble bath and having a good cry, ignoring every phone call from her fathers over the next two hours.

She was truly alone now.

Puck was disappointed when he walked into his math class the first day of school and realized he and Rachel didn't share the same one anymore. It only got worse as he went through the day when he realized he didn't have _any _classes with her this year. He was more than grateful that Schue had called a quick glee club meeting after school.

He was confused, however, when everyone filed in and Schue started the meeting and Rachel wasn't there. He noticed everyone kind of glancing around, as if they expected her to jump out from behind the piano or something.

Artie raised his hand. "Mr. Schue," he asked tentatively, "where's Rachel?"

Schue sighed. "Rachel's not going to be joining us this year."

The room exploded as the kids expressed their dismay.

"What? Mr. Schue, without Rachel we're dead in the water this year. Vocal Adrenaline will destroy us for sure!" Mike exclaimed.

"She can have all the solos," Mercedes declared. "I don't care. Just get her skinny white butt back in here." The rest of the kids voiced their agreement.

Schue ran his hand through his hair. "It's not that simple, guys. Rachel's dads called me this morning, Rachel's not even enrolled in this school district anymore."

The kids exploded again and talked over each other.

"H-h-h-how is this possible?" Tina stuttered.

"I swear, if she joined Carmel High School and takes the stage with Vocal Adrenaline I will burn all her Broadway sheet music!" Kurt seethed.

Quinn fought to be heard over the rest of the kids. "Mr. Schue, what did her dads say?"

Everyone quieted to hear his response. "They said that she spent the summer out of state at a music program and she wasn't coming back for her senior year. But I get the impression this wasn't a decision they were happy with. They asked that if any of us hear from her to please let them know."

Puck tuned out the rest of the group as they continued chattering about their lost star. She wasn't coming back. She was really gone. Had things gotten so out of control between them that she was running away? Had she really just gotten a great opportunity and decided to take it or was there more to it than that?

He was afraid he might never know.

**Noah (4:05pm) heard your not coming back to mckinley this year**

She glanced at the text message on her break at work, and realized her fathers must have said something to the school. Of course they would, she realized, she was legally required to be there, after all. She saw that she had a few more texts and a voicemail.

**Noah (4:07pm) i really wish you would just talk to me**

**Quinn (4:10pm) schue said youre not coming back this year, is everything ok? You can talk to me, i wont tell him**

The voicemail was from Noah too.

"**Hey, Rach, it's me. Look, I just…I'm sorry. I never meant for…**_**that…**_** to happen, you were a friend and I never would have done that to you. I'm sorry. If you left because you really did get this amazing opportunity, then congratulations, because you deserve it and you'll be amazing. But if you left because of me and what happened, I'm so sorry. Please call me. **_**Please.**_**"**

She sighed, trying to ignore the tears that sprang to her eyes as she listened to his message. He actually sounded upset, like he genuinely cared. He probably wouldn't feel that way if he knew the real reason she left, the pregnancy she was hiding. He had been through that once before and she was sure he wouldn't want to do it again.

She rubbed her stomach slightly. At six months pregnant, she felt huge, but she knew she was going to get so much bigger. She was already having problems getting around at work, maneuvering between the tables and patrons on a crowded Friday night. She wouldn't be surprised if she was fired before the month was up.

She thought maybe that would be ok. She was completely exhausted and run down. Her feet hurt all the time, her back was killing her and she had never felt so alone in her life. Dad had quit texting her, quit calling, but Daddy texted her every day. She suspected he was hiding that from Dad. He told her that he loved her and he would always be there for her and if there was anything she needed to talk about or anything she needed help with she could call him in a heartbeat. She never answered the texts, but she read them nightly, curled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, sobbing into a baby blanket that she knew had once been hers, and would one day belong to her baby.

Aside from the depression and the aches and pains that came with carrying a bowling ball sized object around every day, her pregnancy had been relatively easy. Her nausea had only lasted the first three months and she hadn't really had any since then. She didn't have weird cravings or the heartburn she knew Quinn had been plagued with. Her baby wasn't constantly kicking her in the ribs or the bladder, and actually, rarely moved around at all. Her OBGYN said that was normal for some women and the ultrasound showed the baby was fine, if a little small for its age. She declined to know whether it was a boy or a girl, telling the doctor instead to include it in her file for the adoption agency in case prospective parents had a preference.

All in all, she knew she did not present the picture most people expected of a pregnant woman. She did not exude that glowing radiance that only pregnant women did, and there was a cloud of despair around her so thick it felt stifling at times. She had made no friends in the city, only leaving her apartment for work and the occasional trip to the grocery store.

Some of the other waitresses at work had taken pity on her, inviting her to various lunches or outings but she had politely declined. The closest she had gotten to being friendly with them was when they'd all hung back to help clean the place up after a particularly busy weekend, and even then, it was only because she was getting paid for it. One of the waitresses, Melody, had a camera and was shooting various pictures of the waitresses. She made Rachel pose by herself and with the rest of the waitresses in a group shot taken by the bouncer. Then Rachel had quietly gathered up her things and went home to her empty apartment.


	6. Chapter 6

Puck texted her faithfully, almost nightly, but she never returned his texts or gave any indication that she had received any of them. Her Myspace account had been shut down, so he knew she wasn't posting her singing videos anymore either. Quinn was getting no response to her attempts at contact and he knew no one else had spoken with her. Slowly New Directions started to move on.

Mercedes was given more of the solos, and she had to admit, it was a demanding role to fulfill. There were so many songs, so many dances she had to take lead in. And her harmony with Finn didn't sound anywhere near as good as Rachel's, but few other guys had the vocals to sing lead other than Finn.

Tina had adopted a strict vocal training regiment to supplement the group on songs where Mercedes' sound was a bit intense. She spent hours in the auditorium each week and realized now what Rachel had sacrificed for them. She was barely able to see Artie and focus on her school work and her own interests. She had no idea how Rachel had managed to balance everything, as well as all of the torment she received at school.

The rest of the group realized what they had grudgingly known all along: Rachel Berry was a star. She put in the hard work, not (barely) complaining at all. They understood now her desire for them all to be better, because what was all her hard work good for if no one else was willing to step it up. They both hated and missed her at the same time and they hoped that wherever she was, she was as big of a star as she was now being realized to be by New Directions.

Rachel called off work one Friday in October. She had been feeling off all day, not able to put her finger on it. She wasn't throwing up, she didn't have a fever, she just didn't feel…right, somehow.

Her boss wasn't happy, but Rachel figured since she was six months pregnant and had yet to miss a single day of work, she had it coming. She put on her most comfortable pajamas and popped a musical into the DVD player. She glanced at her phone, but there was nothing new. Noah hadn't texted or called for almost two weeks now, and her daddy's calls had dropped to every other day. She figured they were finally giving up on her and the realization made her even more depressed than she had been.

She drifted off during My Fair Lady and was woken by a sharp pain in her stomach. The pain was fleeting, just a quick little stab and then it was gone. She shifted on the couch, hand going to rest on her swollen stomach. She thought maybe it was the baby moving, it hadn't been moving around much at all lately. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she felt it move. A few days ago, maybe, at work.

She settled back into the couch, content to go back to sleep, when she felt the pain again. This time it was a constant pain, so sharp it took her breath away and made her double over in agony. She hissed as she tried to catch her breath and waited for the pain to subside.

It never did.

The pain got sharper, deeper, more intense, and she felt wetness on her thighs. Looking down she realized she was covered in blood.

_I'm bleeding_, she thought. _Oh God, I'm bleeding._

She heard screaming, unnatural and high pitched and then realized the sound was coming from her. The pain got more intense and, unable to move, unable to think or react, she just screamed.

She was aware at one point of paramedics hovering over her, talking but not saying anything she could understand. She had no idea where they had come from or when they had arrived, the only thing she knew was that her body felt like it was on fire from the inside out and it wasn't stopping.

She closed her eyes and continued screaming.

She woke up in the hospital and both of her fathers were by her side, each holding one of her hands. Daddy was crying and Dad didn't look much better.

Daddy saw she was awake first. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry," he said softly. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Her eyes welled up but she didn't say anything.

Dad squeezed her hand. "You're in the hospital, baby. You're going to be just fine."

"What happened?" she whispered.

"One of your neighbors heard you screaming and called 911. Your landlord let them into your apartment and they brought you here in an ambulance."

"The hospital called us," Daddy explained. "They said since you were underage they needed permission to perform-to treat you."

She knew without even looking that her stomach would be considerably flatter than it had been just this morning. She knew without a doubt that she was empty now, alone in her own body once again.

She closed her eyes as tears trickled down her cheeks.

"It's alright, sweetheart," Daddy whispered, smoothing her hair back. "It's alright now."

"We're going to take care of you, honey," Dad echoed. "We're going to stay right here with you."

"I want to go home," she whispered.

Her dads exchanged a look. "Back to your apartment?"

She shook her head gently. "I don't ever want to go back there. I want to go home. I just want to go home," she sobbed.

And so sealed Rachel Berry's return to Lima, Ohio. Her fathers packed up her apartment while she was in the hospital and had everything shipped back home. They neglected to tell her that some of her things wouldn't be making the trip: some of her maternity clothes, sitting new in a box, tags still on, waiting for the eighth or ninth month when she would be at her biggest. Her couch, bought cheap at a secondhand store, now stained and covered in her blood.

She was released from the hospital three days after being brought in and her fathers took her back to their hotel, letting her sleep and relax for two days before their flight home.

The time went by in a blur for Rachel, still confused and physically aching from the loss of her child. Daddy filled the medication her doctor prescribed and she slept almost constantly, blessing the doctor for giving her the strong narcotics.

She slept through most of the plane ride home too, sandwiched between her fathers in first class. They woke her when the plane was getting ready to land and Daddy helped her off the plane while Dad went to collect their luggage. They bundled her into a cab and had her home before she knew it. Her bed was already set up in her room and she didn't stop to think how they accomplished that, just kicked off her shoes and crawled beneath the covers, falling into a deep sleep.

Her dads let her stay in bed and sleep for three days after they got home before they started to really worry about her. She knew this because she could hear them open her door and peak in at her. She heard them talking in the hallway, and sometimes in her room, when they thought she was sleeping

They were worried. They had no idea what to do for her. Daddy suggested therapy but Dad felt it may be too soon. Tough love, make her get out of bed and regain control and start to function in her life again? Daddy said he didn't think that was the solution either.

In the end, neither of her fathers was right. She simply used all of her medication the doctor had given her, the wonderful drug that made her sleep and feel nothing. And now she couldn't sleep. At all. She developed horrible insomnia in her first days back home and she grew so bored just laying in her bed that she often wandered around the house at odd hours of the night, knowing her dads had to sleep sometime.

She developed an addiction to infomercials. She never bought anything, but the things ran for hours and were so mindless that she could watch them without ever really watching them. And there was an infomercial for everything. She watched infomercials for cookware, diet pills, exercise equipment, anything you could possibly think of. She watched until she felt drowsy, which was usually around 4 in the morning, and then she'd trek back to her bed and sleep for a few hours.

She knew the lack of sleep was taking its toll on her. The circles under her eyes were pronounced and she had lost so much weight that her hip bones jutted out dramatically.

It wasn't her fault she didn't feel like eating anymore.

One night, about a week and a half after she got home, she wandered downstairs for her infomercial fix and found Daddy waiting on the couch for her. She was surprised, as he had an early shift at the hospital the next day, but she didn't say anything. She sat down beside him on the couch and he handed her the remote.

They were quiet through the first infomercial about a new kind of food processor and it wasn't until the infomercial changed that Daddy spoke.

"How are you doing, honey?"

"I'm ok, Daddy," she murmured.

"Are you, sweetie? Because I'm not sure you are."

"I'm fine."

"Rach," he began hesitantly, "Dad and I were talking and we think you should go see someone."

She glanced at him. "Someone who?"

"A psychologist, maybe. Someone who can help you deal with this."

"No."

"Rachel-"

"No."

"Honey, you're not even functioning anymore. You barely leave your bed, you're not singing anymore, not going to school. You can't keep doing this."

Rachel closed her eyes, fighting the momentary panic. She didn't want to go see a psychologist. Psychologists meant talking and talking meant feeling and she didn't want any part of that. She liked being numb and not feeling anything or thinking about anything. She liked her routine of mindless infomercials and sleeping, it left little room to think about everything that had happened.

"I'll go back to school," she said quietly.

"You will?"

She nodded. "I'm sure if I work really hard I can get my grades up and graduate on time, or maybe in the summer."

"Let's just focus on getting you back there, sweetheart," Daddy said. "We'll worry about grades and everything else later, let's just get you back there."


	7. Chapter 7

She and her fathers came late to school her first day back, but Principal Figgins had said that was fine. She had no idea what her fathers had told him, but he was very accommodating, and she appreciated that they were allowed to come in when the other students were in classes.

She had to meet with Ms. Pillsbury to get her schedule for the year and the guidance counselor assured Rachel that she would do fine with her classes and to be sure to come find her if she needed any help with anything. She knew right away that her fathers had told her what had happened in New York. She snorted quietly. Let's see her find a pamphlet for that.

She studied her schedule while her dads and Ms. Pillsbury talked, knowing they were probably talking to her, but she didn't care. She'd agreed to come back to school, she hadn't agreed to like it.

She didn't know how long they sat there, or what they were talking about, but she was pulled from her distraction by the sound of the bell ringing, signaling the end to the first class of the day. She threw a panicked look at her fathers and Daddy squeezed her hand.

"You'll do fine, sweetheart," he told her.

"Just hold your head high, you're a Berry," Dad told her. "Just get through the day and you'll be ok."

She nodded, trying to quell the trembling of her lower lip.

"Rachel, do you want me to walk you to your first class?" Ms. Pillsbury asked.

Rachel shook her head. "No. It's fine. I'm fine."

Daddy gave her a quick hug. "You'll do just fine, darling."

She left the office, knowing all three of them were watching her. Luckily most of the other students had headed to their next classes and she didn't see any of glee club members.

She walked into her first class, Spanish, just her luck. She thought for sure she had earned some bad karma somewhere in her life, because of course Mr. Schuester was her teacher, and of course it couldn't have been one of the other two Spanish teachers at McKinley High. She was glad Mr. Schue had his back to her, writing on the dry erase board when she walked in, and she took a seat as far back as she could find.

The other kids filed into the room, and, aside from getting a dirty look from an unfamiliar looking girl who apparently wanted her seat, no one paid her any attention.

Schue turned around and started speaking in Spanish, stopping when he saw her sitting there. "Rachel? Como estas?" Several kids turned around to look at her curiously.

"Muy bien, gracias," she answered in perfect Spanish.

She could see him gather himself and he continued with the lesson and started demonstrating how to conjugate the list of verbs on the board. She listened with half an ear, doodling on a piece of notebook paper. She hadn't even realized the class was over until he approached her.

"Rachel? What are you doing here? Your dads said you were doing your senior year elsewhere."

She glanced up and frowned at the concerned look on his face. It was only a matter of time before Ms. Pillsbury told him what happened and she had to see pity on his face as well.

"I was but there was a change of plans," she said.

"Is everything ok?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well, you spaced out during class and I'm pretty sure you have another one to get to, correct?"

She sighed. "Guess I'm going to be late."

"I can write you a pass, that's not my point. It's just…Rachel, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, you know that right? I'm not just your Spanish teacher or your glee club coach."

"Ok."

"Ok," he said, sitting down at a desk to write her a late pass. "Will we be seeing you in glee club after school today?"

She took the pass he gave her. "No, I don't think so."

"Rachel-"

"Thanks for the pass, Mr. Schue," she said quietly. She left before he could respond.

The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful. She hadn't had any classes with anyone from glee club and no one said much to her. She could feel the stares of her fellow students and she could hear the whispers and speculation, but she didn't care. She just wanted to get through the day and go home and crawl back into bed.

She headed to her new locker to grab her lunch. She had trouble with the combination and had her head down, trying to figure it out when she heard a familiar voice.

"I can't believe she's back," Kurt said. She tensed but he wasn't speaking to her.

"I know, when I saw her in Ms. Pillsbury's office this morning I couldn't believe it," Tina said.

Turning her head ever so slightly Rachel could see them walking down the hallway towards her. She ducked her head more and continued eavesdropping.

"I wonder why she's back," Kurt said.

"I don't know, but she didn't look good," Tina confided. "She's super skinny now and looks like she hasn't slept in months."

"The life of a star?" Kurt mused.

Tina just shrugged and the two continued down the hall, not even noticing her standing there.

She lost the fight with her locker and couldn't explain the tears welling in her eyes. She headed toward the library to wait out the lunch period but ducked into a rarely used girls bathroom on the way.

It was empty when she went in and she stood in front of the mirror, examining herself, trying to see herself as the rest of the school was seeing her. She was pale but not so pale she resembled a ghost. The weight loss was glaringly obvious and the circles under her eyes were getting darker every day. The oversized hooded sweatshirt and jeans she wore were a far cry from the sweaters and skirts she used to wear. She looked exhausted and she thought that was pretty fitting because she felt exhausted too.

She slumped against the wall and slid down until she rested on the floor. She leaned her head back, closed her eyes and gave in to the tears. She was startled when she heard the door open and quickly tried to wipe away the tears.

Quinn pulled a pack of tissues out of her bag and handed them to her. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," Rachel sniffled.

Quinn slid down the wall next to her. "So where have you been?"

"New York."

"Must have been fun."

Rachel didn't say anything.

Quinn gazed at her for a long moment. "He has the most potent sperm in the world, doesn't he?"

Rachel glanced at her, startled. "I'm not pregnant."

"But you were," Quinn acknowledged. "Right?"

Rachel blinked at her. "How did you know?" she whispered.

Quinn smiled sadly. "It's the look. The _I-had-something-precious-but-now-I-don't_ look. The same look I saw in the mirror for months after I gave up my daughter." They sat in silence for a few minutes. "You weren't gone long enough to have a baby," Quinn said quietly. "What happened?"

"Miscarriage," Rachel whispered. It was the first time she'd said the word since it happened, since she woke up in the hospital, and she started crying right away.

Quinn put her arm around the smaller girl, drawing her closer. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, her own eyes tearing up. She broke down too and the two girls sat, crying, against the bathroom wall, crying for each other and themselves and the children they would never know.

Rachel skipped her last three classes. Quinn had offered to stay with her, but Rachel had turned her down. Bonding with Quinn had been nice, kind of, but their situations weren't the same and they both knew it. Still, the former Cheerio had hugged her tightly before leaving the bathroom for her next class.

"Call me," she whispered. "If you need to talk, or even if you don't. I'm here if you need someone."

Rachel teared up again and hugged the girl back, and then she was gone. She waited until the late bell rang and everyone was supposed to be in class before leaving the bathroom and finding the nearest exit. She didn't even bother going back to her locker, just headed out to the football fields to kill some time.

She sat on the bleachers and stared at the empty field. She couldn't explain why she was so upset. She hadn't wanted the baby. It had been an accident of epic proportions. It had the potential to ruin her life and her relationship with her fathers. She didn't want it and was going to give it away as soon as she could.

So why did feel so empty and exhausted and dead inside?

Puck noticed that everyone showed up early to glee practice that afternoon, which had never happened before. He figured they'd all heard by now that Rachel was back and were all anxious to see her. He knew he was. He didn't know why she was back, hadn't even seen her, but Finn had told him at lunch that Tina had seen her in Ms. Pillsbury's office that morning and he was pretty sure she had been in Schue's Spanish class after that.

He didn't know why she was back. She hadn't responded to any of his texts or phone calls, and to be honest, he had stopped trying to contact her lately. He felt like he was bothering her and her silence more than conveyed her message loud and clear: not interested. He was hoping maybe she had changed her mind and would hear him out now that she was home.

Schue walked in and looked amused that everyone was already there, but Puck could tell he was preoccupied too.

"Hey, guys, glad to see everyone's on time for a change."

"Mr. Schue, is it true?" Mercedes piped up. "Is Rachel back?"

Their teacher sighed. "Yes, she's back."

The group all started talking at once and they had to fight to be heard over each other.

"Will she be here today?" Finn asked. "Shouldn't we wait for her?"

Puck knew from the look on Schue's face what the answer would be.

"She's not going to be joining us today, guys."

"But tomorrow, right?" Artie said. "She needs to jump back in soon, she has choreography to learn and there are songs to rearrange and everything."

Schue leaned against the piano and faced his students. "I don't know if she's coming back at all, guys. She didn't say."

"She has to come back!" Kurt said. "We've been practicing all year and we're still nowhere near as good as we would be with Rachel on our team."

"Maybe she doesn't want to come back," Quinn said angrily. They all looked at her, shocked. "Maybe she has other stuff going on and doesn't want to be part of New Directions anymore. Could you blame her? We were all pretty horrible to her when she was around."

"Yeah, but that's just how it is," Mercedes pointed out. "She's Rachel. She's crazy, we all pick on her and we move on. That's how it's always been."

"Does that make it right?" Puck said, before he could stop himself. He cleared his throat. "I mean, I used to throw Kurt in the dumpsters all the time, but would it be right for me to keep doing it just because I always had? Shit, she's just one person, she probably did get tired of all of us ragging on her all the time."

"That's a good lesson, guys," Schue said. "Your assignment is to go home tonight and prepare a song that shows growth or redemption. We'll start with those on Thursday. Why don't we call it a day?"

Rachel had crawled in bed as soon as she'd gotten home, glad her fathers weren't home to ask her about her day. She was so exhausted, emotionally and physically. She just wanted to lie down and sleep all night.

She dreamed of babies. Babies in pink blankets and blue blankets and babies with dark hair and dark eyes. Babies with their mouths open, and she could hear them calling out to her in the dark.

She woke up sobbing and had to fight to catch her breath. She sat there in bed for a long time, calming herself down, and then headed downstairs for her nightly infomercial marathon.


	8. Chapter 8

She was at her locker the next morning, struggling again with her combination, cursing her recent lack of focus.

"Need some help?"

She looked over her shoulder at the tall boy standing there. "Good morning, Finn."

He grinned. "Hey, Rach. It's good to see you. Locker not working?"

She sighed. "I can't seem to get the combination to work with the lock."

He took the slip of paper with her combination on it and she moved out of his way. He spun the combination effortlessly and had the lock open in one try.

"Thank you, that probably would have taken me all day."

He leaned against the locker next to hers, watching her put her books in and pull out what she needed for class. "No problem, these things can be tricky."

He waited but she didn't say anything else. "Are you coming to glee practice today?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Rachel, you have to," he pleaded. "We need you. We've _missed_ you."

She glanced up at him again. "Finn, I really don't think so."

"Please, Rachel? You don't even have to sing today, just come and say hi to everyone. Please?"

Rachel sighed. "I'll think about it, ok?"

He grinned. "Think about it a lot," he urged. "I'll see you there!"

She sighed again as he headed off to class. She really _really_ didn't want to go to glee club, she wanted to avoid seeing Noah again at all costs.

So of course she walked into her math class first period and found him sitting at a desk. She shook her head and gave a humorless chuckle. Of course he was in her homeroom and math class. Of freaking course he was.

She kept her head down and took a seat as far across the room from him as she could get. She should have known that wouldn't stop him.

Books were dropped onto the desk next to hers and she saw him sit down out of the corner of her eye.

He leaned in closer. "Good to have you back, Rach." There was no anger, no sarcasm in his tone and she was mildly surprised.

"Thanks."

He snorted. "Thanks? You've been gone for months and all you have to say is thanks? I would have thought you'd have a whole soliloquy prepared, Berry."

She glanced at him, unable to hide her surprise. He smirked. "Yeah, I know what a soliloquy is. I started showing up for English this year and we're reading something Shakespeare."

She was unable to resist. "Which Shakespeare?"

He rolled his eyes. "I don't know, the one where that dude dies."

She cocked her head. "Noah, that could be any of them."

"Exactly my point," he said. "He's not very original."

She shook her head again. "Not many people would call William Shakespeare unoriginal."

She looked at him again to find his expression had changed. "Please forgive me," he said quietly.

"Noah-"

"Please? I never meant for that to happen, I swear to God, I didn't. I feel horrible about it and if I could take it back, I would. I never meant to hurt you and I can't ever make up for how I acted after, but I swear, Rach, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok," she murmured.

"Rachel, you ran away to another state. That's not ok."

"I had a musical opportunity," she said weakly.

"And that's why you left? Nothing else?"

"Of course not."

"Then why didn't you answer my texts? My voicemails? Anything?"

"I was very busy with the program," she fumbled.

He regarded her carefully for a moment. "Ok," he said. "I just wanted you to know how sorry I was and that I didn't mean to take advantage of you or anything that night."

She softened a little. "Noah, I know that. We were drunk. Both of us. If I remember correctly, you gave me a chance to stop, and I am more than confident that if I had said stop at any time that night, you would have."

"In a heartbeat," he nodded.

"I don't blame you," she said softly, eyes filling with tears. "I don't. What happened happened and that's it."

She was saved from his response when the teacher started their math lesson.

She was slow gathering her things after class, but he waited for her anyway. They walked out of the classroom together and she was headed off to Spanish with Schue when he stopped her. "Have lunch with me," he said.

She glanced at him, confused. "What?"

"Lunch? You know, in the cafeteria?" He grinned at her. "I know you've been gone awhile, but I know you still know how to eat, Berry." He glanced down at her and frowned a little. "Well, maybe not so much."

She tugged on her hooded sweatshirt self consciously. "I eat."

He nodded. "Ok. So eat with me today." She started to protest but he cut her off. "We can eat with everyone else, if you want."

She shook her head and cringed. "I'd rather not."

"Ok. I'll meet you by your locker at lunchtime."

"I have a new locker this year."

He winked at her as he walked away. "I know."

Rachel corned Quinn after her Spanish class. "Eat lunch with me."

The blonde quirked an eyebrow at her. "Uh, what?"

Rachel sighed. "Lunch. With me. Today."

Quinn still regarded her strangely. "Um, ok…"

"Noah wants to have lunch with me."

Quinn's features softened into a smile. "Oh."

"He offered to eat with the rest of the glee kids if I want, but I don't want to because I know they'll all bug me about rejoining the group and I just really don't know that I want to, but I don't want to eat alone with him either."

"Why not?"

Rachel glanced down at her feet. "I'm afraid I'll end up telling him."

"Would that be so bad?"

"It would if he hated me. I just…I can't handle that right now. Maybe someday but right now it's hard enough just getting out of bed and getting through the day. Most of the time I walk around feeling like if I breathe wrong it's all going to fall apart. I can't handle telling him right now."

"Ok," Quinn said softly. "I'll have lunch with you guys."

Rachel smiled. "Thanks, Quinn."

The former Cheerio smiled back. "Anytime."

Puck was surprised when he showed up at Rachel's locker for lunch and Quinn was waiting there with her. The two girls were chatting and looked to be engrossed in a serious conversation but when she saw him, Quinn said something to Rachel and they both stopped talking and turned to him.

"Hey," he said when he'd reached them.

"Hey."

He regarded Quinn curiously, but she didn't say anything else. "Ok, so, we ready for lunch?"

Rachel nodded. "I've, uh, I invited Quinn to join us."

He shrugged, a little disappointed. "Ok."

They were quiet as they bypassed the table with the glee kids, who stared at the trio curiously. They ate their lunches in relative silence until Puck couldn't take it anymore. "So tell me about New York."

Rachel froze, and nearly dropped her spoon in her yogurt. Not that it would have mattered, he thought, she hadn't really eaten any of it anyway.

"Um, ok. What do you want to know?"

"What did you do? Where did you go? Stuff like that," he prodded.

She nodded. "Ok. Um-"

"Did you see the Statue of Liberty?" Quinn interrupted. "Broadway? Or did you work too hard at your music to see anything?"

Rachel nodded and visibly relaxed. "Yeah, I was actually really busy. I didn't get much time to sightsee or anything like that."

He frowned. "You spent months in New York and never got to see anything?"

She laughed, and he could tell she was nervous. "Well, you know me. School school school."

"Yeah, but you're also all Broadway Broadway Broadway."

"It was a prestigious program, Noah, I couldn't afford to slack off, not even for Broadway."

She wouldn't meet his eyes then and he knew she was lying. He didn't know why, but she was uncomfortable and he wasn't buying her story. Something was going on. As he listened to Quinn change the subject to McKinley High's football season that fall, he became determined to find out what it was.

She was putting her books in her locker at the end of the day when Finn showed up, a smile on his face.

"Hey, Rach."

"Hi, Finn."

"You ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"Glee club!"

She felt her heart quicken. "Oh, Finn, I don't think so."

"Aw, come on, Rach, everyone wants to see you. You don't even have to stay for the whole thing." He cupped her elbow and began steering her toward the choir room.

"I don't know…"

"You can just sit in the back and watch the rest of us and give us pointers," he suggested. "Won't that be fun?"

She sighed in defeat. "Ok, Finn."

Quinn, Mercedes, Kurt and Artie were all in the choir room when they arrived. She said a quiet hello and took a seat off to the side. She put her bag on the chair to her right and Quinn quickly slipped into the chair on her left before Finn could sit down. He looked confused but moved to the row behind them.

Rachel sent Quinn a small smile. Tina came in with Brittany and Rachel felt her heart clench a little when Noah walked in with Santana, both smiling. She looked down, studying her cuticles.

"Your bag so important it needs a chair of its own, Berry?"

She looked up to see Noah gesturing to her bag on the chair. "No."

"Good." He lifted the bag, placing it at her feet, before sliding into the chair himself.

When he turned around to talk to Finn, she sent Quinn a look. The other girl gave a small shrug and they both turned their attention to Mr. Schue when he came in.

"Good afternoon, guys," he smiled. "Rachel, good to have you back."

"Oh, uh, I'm not back," she stuttered.

Everyone looked at her, confused.

Quinn jumped in for her. "She was telling me about the grueling summer and semester she had in New York, performing, and her voice needs a rest. I told her she should come to rehearsal anyway."

"I don't, uh, I don't want to sing or anything," Rachel said. "At least not on lead, not for awhile."

She saw them all exchange confused looks, as if her mere presence in the room suggested she was taking back her place as the star.

Mr. Schue glanced at the group. "Guys?" he asked, the single word asking for their acceptance of her back into the group on those terms. She held her breath, part of her hoping they'd say yes and part of her hoping they'd tell her to leave.

The kids were quiet and then the room was filled with the sounds of their acceptance to her new status as a background singer. She sent another smile Quinn's way as Schue started talking again.


	9. Chapter 9

Several weeks passed by and Puck was getting frustrated. Rachel was back but she was far from being herself. She was still walking around in those hooded sweatshirts that made her look tiny and the fact that she was barely eating didn't help either. He had eaten lunch with her every day since she'd been back and he'd never seen her bring more than a yogurt or a piece of fruit, which she usually ended up discarding most of anyway. It was a far cry from the balanced meals he knew she used to eat.

She was still pretty pale and didn't bother wearing makeup or doing her hair anymore, other than the simple ponytail she now wore daily. But the most disturbing thing was the bags under her eyes that he thought told the tale of many sleepless nights. He had initially written them off as being exhaustion from her busy program in New York, but she had been back at school on a normal schedule for two months now and the circles were more pronounced than ever.

She was acting differently too. She was quieter now, more withdrawn, and he had to fight to keep an active conversation with her. Whereas before she would use a hundred words when twelve would have sufficed, it was far more common these days for her to just smile and nod in response to something he said. The fight had gone out of her and he missed it. No one could call him on his shit like Rachel Berry could.

They were sitting in glee club after school one day, him and her and Quinn, who had taken to sitting with him and Rachel at lunch too. Something was up there, he knew, but neither girl was telling. They didn't seem to talk a whole lot either, just exist in each other's presences, and it confused the hell out of him. They weren't friends, never had been, and they weren't acting all girly around each other now, so he had no idea what was going on there.

Puck thought Mr. Schue had realized something was up with Rachel too, which wasn't hard to notice, because she still hadn't sung anything since she'd been back. She said she'd sing backup vocals, but every time they had a number where backups were needed she opened her mouth and lip synced all the words, but she wasn't singing. He could tell. When Rachel Berry sang, backup vocals or not, you knew it. And she wasn't.

When Schue pulled out new sheet music and cast a glance at Rachel, Puck knew the teacher was up to something.

"Ok," Schue said, handing the music to her. "I've got a few West Side Story numbers here and a few from Les Mis. Rachel, why don't you start with this one?"

"Oh, no, Mr. Schue, that's ok, I think Tina would sound splendid on that one," she said quietly.

"Rachel, it's ok, I think it'd sound amazing with you singing it," Tina said sincerely from the back row. Apparently everyone else had noticed her lack of singing as well.

"No, really, Tina, I insist," Rachel said.

"Ok, that's it!" Puck exploded. "What in the world is wrong with you?"

Rachel looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Cut the crap, Rachel," he seethed. "You've been acting weird since you got back. What's the deal?"

"Puck, stop it," Quinn said sharply.

"No! She disappears for months and doesn't even tell anyone and then comes back here and refuses to even sing anymore! And I think we all deserve to know why!" He knew he was yelling now, but part of him didn't care.

Rachel paled and Quinn put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Puck, not now," she hissed.

"No! Now is the perfect time! She looks like crap, she doesn't eat, she doesn't pay attention in classes anymore. Fuck, she's not even _Rachel_ anymore. And no one's leaving here until she tells us why!"

"Damn it, Puck-"

"No! We deserve to know, Quinn, I-"

"I was pregnant," Rachel burst out.

And the room quieted then and Puck paled visibly and took a staggering step back. That was quite possibly the last thing he had expected to hear from her. The room was silent, no one was talking and they all looked visibly upset. Even Santana had blanched at the revelation.

"What?" Puck whispered.

"Now is not the time to discuss this," Quinn said, glaring at Puck. "Let's go outside."

Rachel shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks. "No. He wanted to do this in front of everyone, so we're going to."

"I…I didn't know," he stuttered. "You never said…"

"Rachel," Mr. Schue interjected gently, "you don't have to talk about this here."

"It's ok, Mr., Schue," she sniffled. "He's right, I am different, and you guys do deserve to know why."

Quinn rubbed her back soothingly as Puck watched, still stunned, from across the room. "You don't have to," Quinn whispered.

"Yes, I do," Rachel whispered back. She glanced at Puck, still pale. "Maybe you should sit."

He took the seat next to her and tried not to cringe when Quinn glared at him and pulled the girl's desk closer to her, away from Puck.

"I found out a few weeks after the party," Rachel started softly. "I panicked. You didn't remember anything about that night and I just panicked. I didn't lie about everything, I really had gotten accepted to a music program in New York for the summer, but I knew I couldn't go. But I didn't want to tell my dads anything, so I left under the pretense of going to the program," she said mechanically, not looking at anyone.

"Did you even go to New York?" Kurt asked quietly.

She nodded slightly. "I made up a story about needing to live in an apartment and that housing wasn't provided by the program, but it was, for the students, anyway. But my dads trusted me, why shouldn't they? So they paid for an apartment and furniture and everything and they were never the wiser." She paused, taking a breath. "They were both busy the weekend I moved in so I didn't have to worry about it. And every time they wanted to visit I made up excuses about being too busy with school. I got a job and worked all the time, saving up all the money I could. I found an adoption agency that was going to handle everything after the baby was born. I thought I had it all figured out."

"What happened?" Mike asked softly.

"School ended and I was supposed to come back here for senior year. I told my dads that I had been invited to enroll at the academy for the remainder of my high school career and that I could stay in New York. They'd never have to know about the baby. They thought about it but said no. I told them I was staying anyway." She wiped away a stray tear. "I had saved all the money I could from my job and I was doing ok."

"You didn't go to school at all?" Schue asked. "Were you just not going to graduate?"

Rachel shrugged, staring at her hands. "I was going to get my GED later. I wasn't concerned about that."

"What did your dads say?" Tina asked.

"They were upset," Rachel confessed. "But I stopped answering their phone calls and text messages. I thought it would be easier that way. I thought they wouldn't be as disappointed in me this way. I didn't think they'd ever find out."

"How did they?" Finn asked.

"I was in my apartment one night and I had this horrible pain in my stomach. It didn't stop, it was like my insides were set on fire and being ripped out. I don't remember much about it. Just pain and blood and screaming. And then there were paramedics there and I honestly don't remember how they got in or how I left, but when I woke up again I was in the hospital and my dads were there," she said, wiping her eyes again. "They said since I was a minor the hospital notified them and they flew in."

"What happened?" Puck asked softly.

She held back a sob. "Miscarriage. The doctor told my dads that the placenta had started tearing away from the uterine wall, and had been for some time. It's not unheard of so late in a pregnancy. Usually they catch it on an ultrasound and can fix it surgically, but my doctor didn't catch it."

Puck knew he was crying and he was pretty sure he wasn't the only one. He could hear sniffling around the room and he could see Quinn beside Rachel, holding her hand and rubbing her back and trying to contain her own emotions.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered. "I sent you a million texts and called you a hundred times, even after I remembered. Why didn't you just tell me?"

She was openly sobbing now. "I couldn't. I saw you after you gave up your daughter, I saw how hard you took it. I didn't want to do that to you again. And you didn't remember for the longest time and by the time you did, everything was just so out of control. And then when I had the…when I lost it…" She sobbed. "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

He felt more tears slip down his cheeks. "Rach-"

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, standing and bolting from the room before he'd finished. He started to stand but Quinn held up her hand.

"I'll go," she said quietly. "I'm gonna take her home."

After the girls had left, Puck had looked around the room. Everyone was in tears, some crying openly, like Tina and Kurt, some struggling to hold back their tears, like Mike and Santana. But everyone was affected and Puck didn't even bother wiping his tears from his cheeks.

Schue dismissed everyone for the day, wiping his own eyes discretely. He caught Puck on the way out. "If you need to talk…" he trailed off.

Puck shook his head slightly. "Thanks, Mr. Schue, I just…I just…" he shrugged helplessly.

The teacher clapped him gently on the back. "I know," he said quietly. "I know."

"What do I say to her?" Puck said, dropping gently into a chair. "Do I go to her? Give her space? I don't know what she needs right now."

Schue dropped into a chair next to him. "I don't know, Puck," he admitted. "I think you know Rachel better than anyone, so that's your call. Just look at it this way: think of how you're feeling right now, having just found this out. Then multiply that feeling times ten, at least, because that's how she's feeling, having dealt with it alone all those months."

Puck nodded silently.

"It's going to take time," Schue continued. "For both of you. This is not an easy thing and I think she's going to need someone. But it will probably take her time to see that, because she's been dealing with it alone for so long. So don't push her, but don't let her push you away either."

Puck nodded again. "Thanks, Mr. Schue."

Quinn had followed Rachel out of the choir room and they had gone directly to her car. She drove Rachel home and realized immediately that neither of her fathers was home. She followed Rachel upstairs and waited patiently while the girl washed her face and changed into some soft, comfortable looking pajamas.

"Thanks for sticking up for me back there," Rachel said softly.

Quinn looked up at her from her perch on the bed. "No problem. He shouldn't have done that."

Rachel shrugged, looking away. "Can't really blame him, though. He was just trying to help."

"He could have just asked!"

"He has," Rachel admitted. "Almost daily since I've been back. He's asked what's wrong with me, what happened, what he can do. And I blew him off every time, telling him I was fine, nothing was wrong. I guess I'm not as good an actress as I thought."

Quinn scooted over and Rachel sat beside her on the bed. "That's not true. It's just…you've looked so broken since you've been back. A shell of who you were when you left."

"I just don't care anymore," Rachel admitted. "I feel like everything just stopped. How is any of this important anymore, you know? School, singing, anything? My own body turned against me, dispelling something I had carried for months. It was so violent, so painful, so…wrong. How can anything else matter after something like that?"

"Do you think about it? What it would have been like or looked like?" Quinn asked in a strangled voice.

"All the time," Rachel replied softly. "They said since I was that far along they could tell me whether it was a boy or a girl but…I didn't want to know. It would only make things worse." She paused and looked at Quinn. "Do you ever think about it? About her?"

Quinn wiped away a few stray tears. "Almost every day," she confessed. "I know it's different and I know I did what was best for her, but I can't help wondering…what does she look like? Who does she look like? Will she act like me or him? Or her parents? Most days I'm ok and I know without a doubt I did the best thing, but some days…some days it's all I think about and I have to remind myself to breathe."

"Noah showed me the picture from the hospital nursery," Rachel said slowly. "She had your nose. His dark hair, and your nose and her eyes looked a little like you too."

"You think?" Quinn said tearfully.

"Hair color and eye color changes, but the shapes don't," Rachel said. "I think she probably still has your eyes and nose."

Quinn laughed tearfully. "I'm supposed to be comforting you."

Rachel shrugged morosely. "I'm not sure you can, to be honest. I'm just kind of…empty. Numb. How do you fix that?"

"It takes time," Quinn assured her.

"I'm not sure I want it to," Rachel said. "I don't want to feel the sadness and the pain and the loss. I don't want to feel anything. I'm content with the numbness."

"What do your dads say?"

"They want me to see a psychologist," Rachel admitted, crawling up to rest her head on her pillows. "That's why I came back to school. It wasn't an ultimatum, exactly, but Daddy said I wasn't functioning and they wanted me to see someone, so I figured if I came back, I wouldn't have to."

"Maybe it was too soon," Quinn mused.

"Maybe. I don't know. I guess I figured I could be just as empty there as at home, you know?"

"Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to see someone," Quinn suggested.

Rachel was about to respond when her phone rang. "Hi, Dad," she said quietly, answering it.

"Hi, honey, how are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, Dad."

"Ok. I just wanted to call and let you know that Daddy and I are having dinner with a friend tonight and won't be home until later."

"Ok."

"Do you want us to bring you anything, sweetheart?"

"No, Dad, I'm fine, thanks."

"Ok, sweetheart. We'll see you later then."

"Bye, Dad." She hung up the phone and looked at Quinn. "My dads aren't coming home until later," she explained.

Quinn nodded thoughtfully. "Want to watch a movie?"

Puck had no idea what he was thinking, calling Rachel's Daddy at the hospital and having him paged. He pretty much felt like he was going crazy and he almost hung up when her Daddy answered the phone.

"This is Dr. Berry, how can I help you?"

"Dr. Berry, hi, um, my name is Noah Puckerman and I'm calling about your daughter, Rachel."

"Rachel? What happened? Is she alright?" He could hear the panic in the man's voice.

"No, uh, I mean, yes, she's fine. I just really need to talk to you and your hus-uh, Rachel's other dad about her."

He could hear the other man breathe a sigh of relief. "May I ask what this is about?"

"The baby," Puck said quietly.

The line was silent for a moment and her father spoke again. "Well, her dad and I will both be home this evening if you'd like to stop by-"

"No," Puck cut him off. "I'd really like to speak with the two of you alone, if you don't mind. I'm worried about her," he added quietly.

"What did you have in mind, Noah?"

"I was thinking dinner," Puck said, and named a restaurant. "If you could make it I'd be really grateful."

"We'll be there," her Daddy agreed. "Does six work for you?"

"It does," Puck agreed. "Thank you, Dr. Berry. I'll see you there."

Which was how Puck found himself at a table in a nice restaurant waiting for Rachel Berry's two gay dads. He was pretty sure he was having a heart attack. Dads hated him, especially dads that knew he'd had sex with their daughters, and if Rachel's dads didn't know that yet, they would soon.

He was still sweating out his decision when two men approached the table together and he recognized one of Rachel's dads. He stood and shook their hands. They sat down on the opposite side of the table.

"You said on the phone you needed to talk about Rachel," Rachel's Daddy said slowly.

"Yes. She, uh, she's been really different since she's been back at school and we've all been worried about her," he said nervously.

"We've all?" her Dad echoed.

"Uh, the glee club, sir. I'm in New Directions with Rachel."

"You also showed up this summer to pick her up, am I correct?" Daddy said.

"Yes, sir. I didn't know she had left town, she hadn't said anything to anyone."

Her Dad sighed. "Yes, we gathered that."

"I thought it was because of me," Puck confessed nervously.

"Why would she have left because of you?"

Puck ducked his head. "You see, we had gone to a party together and we both had too much to drink. We slept together." He didn't dare look at her fathers yet. "I didn't remember that it was her and when I finally did remember, she was gone."

When he got the courage to look up, her Dad looked enraged but her Daddy just looked thoughtful. "It was you," he said.

Puck nodded, a little ashamed. "Yes, sir. I tried calling her but she would never answer my calls. I didn't know about the baby at all until recently, today, actually."

Her dads exchanged a look. "She told you?"

"Uh, yes, well, kind of. We were fighting, well, I was fighting, well, fighting's not really a good word. I was just trying to figure out what was going on with her, she's just been so different, and I was pushing her and she just kind of said it," Puck stammered.

"She just kind of said it," her Dad echoed doubtfully.

"Yes, sir. I never would have pushed if I had known, I swear. She's just been so…off lately. She doesn't eat, she doesn't pay attention in class anymore, she doesn't even sing anymore. I didn't know what else to do."

"And now?" her Daddy asked.

"Now?"

"Now that you know, what do you think now?"

Puck glanced down at his hands and was silent for a moment. "I have no idea," he said honestly. "I don't even know if she'll talk to me after today."

Her Dad took pity on him. "We've tried to get her to go to a psychologist before, but she chose to go back to school instead. Maybe if we ask her again." He looked at Puck, expecting some form of resistance.

Puck simply nodded. "That would probably be a good idea," he said. "I have no idea how to help her or even where to start. I have no idea what it was like for her, being all alone like that. I wish she'd told me."

Her Daddy chuckled. "I really should have known it was you. You looked so crushed when you came to pick her up and found out she'd left town and hadn't told you."

"She really didn't tell you it was me?" Puck asked.

"We didn't really talk about it," her Dad said slowly. "We were in a complete panic when we got the call from the hospital and they said the word 'miscarriage'. We were sure they had the wrong girl. But they had her driver's license and emergency contact card she carries in her purse, so we flew up to New York."

"She was devastated," Daddy continued. "She didn't even ask, we never even said the word, but she knew right away and she was so upset. And when we brought her home she was like a zombie, sleeping all the time, and then not sleeping at all, staying up late watching those damned infomercials on TV. We decided not to push her. We thought she'd come to us when she was ready to discuss it and we'd find out everything then."

"Obviously we were wrong," Dad murmured.

"Mr. Schue, our glee club teacher, said something about her dealing with it all alone for all those months and maybe not knowing how to lean on someone else now," Puck admitted. "I think maybe he's right."

"Could be," Daddy mused. "I think, either way, our best bet is to just be there for her, gently, no pushing," he looked pointedly at Puck, "and just let her know that we're here."

"And therapy," Dad chimed in. "We'll talk to her about therapy too."

Puck nodded. "Good. I'm glad. She needs…she just needs to be ok again."

Her Daddy looked at him kindly. "And how are you taking the whole thing?"

Puck glanced down again, ashamed. "I'm just so damn sorry this ever happened," he said quietly.

"Son," her Dad said gently, "it's no more your fault than hers. You are both consenting adults, and I trust that she consented?" Puck quickly shook his head yes. "Then the burden of blame is shared with you both. We're not going to arm ourselves with firearms and chase you from town. We're not that dramatic."

"But you just found out, today, correct? You must be shocked, at the very least," Daddy said.

"I'm kind of numb about the whole thing," he admitted. "It really hasn't sunk in that far yet. I'm just really worried about her."

Her dads shared a glance and he could tell there was some kind of communication going on there. Finally her Daddy spoke. "Why don't you come over to the house for dinner tomorrow night? She's comfortable at home, we've known about this since she's been back, maybe you can make some ground there."

"You're seriously not going to ban me from seeing her ever again?" Puck asked, confused.

Her Dad chuckled. "No, son. It's obvious you care about her, enough to confess all of your mistakes to us. And you've suffered a loss too. I have no doubt you would have been there for her if she had let you."

"In a heartbeat," he murmured.

"Well, then, we'll see you tomorrow for dinner. Five o'clock," Daddy said.

Rachel awoke to find herself in bed, under the blankets. She wasn't alone.

"You talk in your sleep," Quinn said in a bored tone, not moving her eyes from the TV.

Rachel stretched lazily. "Anything good?"

Quinn grinned. "My virgin ears were blushing."

Rachel snorted and whacked the girl with a pillow. "Oh please. I haven't had a good dream in months."

Quinn stilled. "You have nightmares?"

Rachel shrugged uncomfortably. "Sometimes."

"About what?"

Rachel rolled her eyes self consciously. "Babies. Babies crying and looking for me. Babies that look like me and Noah."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"Your dads are home, by the way," Quinn said casually. "They came up to check on you, but you were sleeping."

"They do that a lot," Rachel said.

"They care about you. It's nice," Quinn said.

"Yeah. I know. I feel really bad for lying to them about everything, especially them finding out the way they did."

"I'm sure they understand."

"I hope so."

"They invited me to dinner tomorrow night," Quinn said with a giggle.

"Really? Hmm. Well, you should come."

Quinn grinned. "Oh, I can't, I have something to do. Some other time, maybe."

Rachel got the distinct impression that the former Cheerio captain wasn't telling her something but she let it go when Quinn announced she had to leave. Rachel walked her to the door, pausing for Quinn to say goodbye to her fathers and exchange a secretive smile, and then headed back to bed.

Rachel thought, somehow, she was better off not even asking.


	10. Chapter 10

Rachel didn't go to school the next day, telling her dads she wasn't feeling well. It wasn't a lie, not really. She was completely drained after the scene in glee club yesterday.

Her dads didn't seem to object to it and called her in sick to school with no problems. She kissed them both goodbye and played couch potato, watching early morning talk shows, midmorning game shows and afternoon soap operas.

She showered and dressed about an hour before her dads came home, attempting to look like she hadn't been a complete bum all day. She suspected they would know anyway, they always seemed to.

Daddy got home first and he asked her to help him with dinner. He pulled out a pot for pasta and some noodles and had her get started. Dad got home about forty five minutes later and he joined them in their preparation.

Dinner was almost done when the doorbell rang, around five o'clock. She glanced at her fathers, but they didn't seem surprised.

"Could you get that, sweetie?" Daddy asked, stirring the sauce simmering on the stove.

"Sure," she murmured. Maybe Quinn had changed her mind, she thought.

She was shocked to see Noah Puckerman standing on her doorstep, bottle of wine in one hand and case of pop in the other.

"Noah, what are you doing here?"

He smiled uncertainly. "Your dads invited me for dinner," he said.

Dad came up behind her. "Noah, good to see you again."

Puck nodded once. "You too, sir. Uh, my mom sent this for you and Dr. Berry, she said you'd like it. I brought pop for me and Rachel," he said hastily.

"Well, that was nice of you Noah, you didn't have to go to the trouble," he said. "Rachel, why don't you show our guest in, Daddy and I are almost done with dinner."

"Uh, sure," she stammered, refusing to meet Noah's eyes. "Come on in."

She led him into the living room and her father went back into the kitchen with the wine and pop. She sat on the couch and he sat beside her.

"Rach," he said softly. She didn't look at him. He cupped her chin gently and titled her head so he could look in her eyes. "Are you ok?"

She nodded. "Mm hmm."

His eyes darkened with concern. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Why?"

He looked at her like she had grown an extra head. "What do you mean, why?"

She sighed lightly, relaxing back into the couch. "Noah, you have no reason to be sorry. We went over this before. We both made a mistake."

"Yeah, but I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have been like that, I was such an asshole."

She gave him a small smile. "Why did you do it?"

"Because I was worried about you," he confessed, leaning back into the couch beside her. "You're so quiet all the time and you just look so exhausted and no one knew why. I was worried."

"You don't have to apologize for worrying about me," she said quietly. "It's nice that you do. You've asked me if I was ok. I said I was, when, clearly, I'm not. You knew I wasn't being honest, you were just trying to help."

"I really was," he said, tentatively taking her hand. He brushed his thumb softly across her knuckles. "If I had known, or even suspected it was something like that, I never would have done it right there in the middle of glee club. But I didn't know. I didn't know anything. You weren't talking and Quinn wasn't talking and no one else seemed to know anything. I was desperate."

"I understand," she murmured. "I do. And I'm sorry I kept it from you, it's just…I hurt so much after it happened. When I found out I was pregnant I shut down. No emotions. I was all logic and planning and everything. I never really let myself feel it. Even when I got depressed during the pregnancy, I wasn't really feeling it. I would cry all the time, but not really feel the emotion connected to it. And then when I lost it…I hurt. I hurt _so much._ So I shut down again. And when I came back, I didn't really seriously think about telling you. I didn't want you to have to feel what I was feeling, you know? But mostly, I just couldn't handle it."

He stroked her knuckles again. "What do you mean?"

She blinked away a few tears. "I was back here and everyone was the same, but I was different. So different, and I had to work so hard just to be there with everyone and not fall apart, I couldn't handle anything else. I couldn't handle the stress of schoolwork and the fights and taunts in glee club. I think if someone had slushied me those first few days back I would have completely lost it. It was a fight just to breathe normally everyday. Letting someone else in to that, especially you…I just couldn't. It sounds selfish, but I couldn't deal with someone else's emotions on the subject."

"But you told Quinn?"

"Not really," Rachel shrugged. "She walked into the bathroom on my first day back and found me crying. She just knew. She said it was the look."

He nodded. "I see it too, now that I know. You just look so broken and empty, like something's missing now. I get that," he said gently. "Not to the same extent, but I get it."

"That's what Quinn said. She said she had the same look for months after…you know."

"That's why she's been around so much, been so protective," Puck realized. "Because she knew and she was helping."

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, she's been great, running interference and everything. I just don't know that there's much she could do, to be honest."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged listlessly. "I just feel so empty, Noah, I don't know how to get back to where I was before. I don't know that I want to." She paused and looked over at him. "I haven't sung anything since I left."

He blinked. "Like, nothing? Not at all?"

"Nope, not a single note."

"Why?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. It seemed silly at first, when I was in New York. Singing and glee club felt so far away, like another life. I was pregnant, that was my life then. Glee club and singing felt like such a childish thing to do. Sing and solve all your problems? Not anymore," she said bitterly. "And then after the-after I lost it, there really didn't seem like much to sing about."

"That's why you haven't sung in glee club," he said, more a statement than a question. "Not because you exhausted your voice, but because _you_ were exhausted."

"Something like that," she murmured.

They were quiet then and she heard someone clear their throat behind her. She turned to see her dads, both with tears in their eyes.

"Oh, honey, is that what it's like?" Daddy asked.

She nodded quietly.

Dad approached the couch and took her in his arms. "Oh, sweetheart," he murmured. "My Rachel."

She wrapped her arms around her Dad, closing her eyes and listening to his heartbeat. She did not cry. She thought maybe she had finally run out of tears.

Daddy came over and sat on the arm of the couch beside Noah.

"Sweetie, we've all been talking," he said, gesturing between the three men. "We think maybe you need to go see that psychologist now."

She looked at him in confusion. "You all think that?"

Her fathers exchanged a look. "Well, we had dinner last night with Noah, and we discussed it, and yes, we think it would be a good idea."

She looked at Noah, her expression a mixture between betrayal and amazement. "You talked to my dads?"

He shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Yeah. I called them yesterday. I'm worried about you, Rach, and I don't know what to do."

"None of us know what to do, sweetie," Dad said, smoothing back her hair. "That's why we think it would be best for you to talk to someone that does. Someone that has experience with this."

"Someone that you won't have to worry about disappointing or hurting or upsetting," Daddy jumped in. "Someone who is concerned with you and your feelings and whose sole purpose is to help you deal with them."

She gazed down at her hands. "You really think this is a good idea?" she asked quietly.

Noah squeezed her hand gently. "We do, babe."

"At least try it, darling," Daddy said. "Just a few sessions and then if you don't think it's helping, we can try something else. But just try."

She nodded. "Ok. A few sessions. I'll try for a few sessions," she told them. She was rewarded with smiles from the three most important men in her life before Daddy pulled her to her feet.

"Good. I'll make an appointment. Now, come eat. I'm starving and you look like you haven't eaten in months."

Noah offered her his arm and escorted her into the dining room behind her fathers.

Puck insisted he be the one to take Rachel to her first therapy session. Her Daddy had fought him on it, of course, but in the end her Dad ruled in his favor, saying of course he should be the one to take her.

They skipped glee club one afternoon, but Puck knew that was fine. He had talked privately with Mr. Schue earlier in the week, letting the man know what was going on and where they would be. Their teacher was more than willing to excuse their absence.

He and Rachel sat in his truck in silence, not even bothering to turn the radio on. She hadn't said a word since they'd left school, and he knew from the way she was fiddling with the drawstrings on yet another of her hooded sweatshirts that she was nervous. He rested a hand on her knee and the fiddling stopped.

The psychologist, a woman her Daddy knew, had set Rachel up with an appointment immediately. In the days since she agreed to go, Puck had been spending lots of time at her house, both with her and her fathers. Sometimes Quinn came over as well. They just hung out, watched movies, listened to music, though that wasn't very often. She still hadn't quite found it in her to sing yet. But he felt it was progress. She wasn't herself, not by a long shot, and she still walked around in a haze some days but he felt she was more relaxed with him now, not shutting him out as much as keeping everything in.

The rest of New Directions had really impressed him with their support. When everything had come out Rachel had been hesitant to come back to glee club. But it was Kurt and Mercedes that had convinced her. None of the divas would say what happened or what had been said between the three but Rachel put up much less resistance the next time he suggested she go back.

Everyone rallied around her, voicing their support and well wishes, even the jocks and Cheerios. Mr. Schue had gotten teary eyed at the show of team unity and added his support to the mix. Puck had even been surprised when several of the team members had approached him alone, giving their condolences for his loss as well.

His loss. It didn't even feel real. The pain he'd felt giving up Beth had been overwhelming, but he barely felt this. Sure, he felt sad, especially that he'd never even get to hold this child, but part of him felt disconnected from it somehow, as if not knowing from the beginning made it less real. But he knew that it was more real than ever for Rachel, who he knew was still struggling with getting by every day. She still had a long way to go and still had yet to let the rest of the world back in, but he was going to try his damndest to be there for her when she did.

He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and glanced over at her. She was fiddling with those drawstrings again. He took one of her hands in his.

"Want me to wait with you in the waiting room?"

She tried not to look relieved. "Sure."

They got out of the truck and walked, hand in hand, through the front doors. After locating the office they needed to be in, Puck signed Rachel in and they sat down together. He could see her eyes darting around and he shifted his hand in hers so that their fingers were laced together. He had learned in the time he'd spent with her that this small act, the small gesture of intimacy, was soothing to her.

The receptionist called Rachel's name and she stood, nervously glancing at him, biting her lip.

He stood with her and pulled her close. "You'll do great, babe," he whispered.

She squeezed his hand tighter, then followed the receptionist back to the doctor's office.

The session was supposed to last an hour, and there were various magazines littering the empty waiting room and even though Puck went through just about every one, he couldn't have told you a thing he'd read. By the time he glanced at his watch again, he realized Rachel had been gone over an hour and a half.

His foot tapped nervously as he thought about what could be taking so long. Maybe Rachel was worse off than they'd thought. Maybe she'd had a breakdown. He cursed himself for not getting her to see a doctor sooner, cursed her dads and his sperm and everything else he could think of.

When the door finally opened and she came out, his first thought was that therapy had not been a good idea. Her eyes were so swollen, her nose a bright red, a few tears still evident on her splotchy cheeks. He opened his mouth to tell her he was sorry for making her come when he noticed something else.

She was carrying herself a little differently now, her shoulders less hunched, as if she had been carrying a great weight on them and it had been lifted. And while her eyes were teary and red, they were also missing some of the dullness that had taken up residence there since she'd been back. She walked a little lighter, and despite the crying, she actually looked a little…better.

He opened his arms and she came to him instantly, burrowing into his embrace. He expected the tears to come back, but they didn't.

"Do I need to go in there and kick someone's ass for making you cry?" he mumbled into her hair.

She actually giggled a little at that and he found himself pulling back to tilt her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "No. It was hard but…it was good." She smiled. "You guys were right, I think this will help."

He put his arm around her and led her back outside. "So you're going again?"

"Of course. I told my dads I'd try a few sessions before I made a decision. But I think this really will help. I already feel a little better, Noah." She smiled at him again and he squeezed her shoulder.

"I'm glad, babe. I'm so glad."

Rachel started therapy twice a week and Puck always took her. On the days when they weren't together for her therapy sessions, they hung out together at her house. He was getting a can of pop from her refrigerator one day as she shuffled through the mail when he heard her gasp. He came up behind her, looking at the pictures in her hands.

One showed Rachel by herself, obviously pregnant. Her eyes were hollow, her hair was limp, she was pale and drawn, despite her swollen belly. The other picture showed her in a group of women dressed identically to her. His heart broke a little when he saw how bad she looked, even before the miscarriage. She looked so alone, so sad.

He settled his chin on her shoulder. "What's this?"

"Forwarded from my address in New York, it says," she said distractedly. "That's where I used to work, the girls I used to work with."

"At the bar?"

She nodded. "Never thought I'd see these again." They were both quiet and staring at her bulging belly in the pictures. Puck felt himself tearing up. That was his baby. The second one he'd never know, the one who hadn't gone to a good home.

She turned to him and saw his tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He kissed her forehead. "Don't be," he said, his voice choked and betraying his emotions. "It's ok."

"You can cry, you know," she whispered, arms wrapping around his waist. "It was your baby too."

"It didn't really feel like it until now," he confessed, "until I saw it." He closed his eyes and felt the tears sliding down his cheeks, felt her gently wipe them off.

"We're going to be ok," she whispered. "It hurts but we're going to be ok."

He pulled her closer to him. "Yes, we are."


	11. Chapter 11

Rachel slowly readjusted to life again. She found therapy to be really quite helpful and she was surprised to find herself admitting to emotions she didn't really know she was feeling.

They were in their third or fourth session when Rachel felt the guilt. The guilt that said maybe it was her fault. Maybe since she didn't want the baby, maybe she hadn't taken care of herself or gone to the doctor enough. She had screamed and cried, berating herself out loud for being a bad mother, confessing later, in a quieter voice, that she feared she would be a bad mother someday.

She learned that therapy not only helped you access all the things you weren't letting yourself feel, it also helped you deal with them and put them away too. She was glad she had gotten into therapy when she did. Her due date was coming up in January, only a few weeks away, and she wasn't quite sure how she was going to handle it. The pictures had been hard enough, seeing how awful she looked, even back then.

She told Laura, her therapist, about the conversation with Noah that day and Laura had congratulated her.

"Me? Why me?" Rachel asked. "Noah was the one to let his feelings out, not me."

"Yes, but you let him," Laura explained. "There was a time you wouldn't have been able to deal with that, a time when your emotions alone were crushing you. You may not feel like it, Rachel, but you've made amazing strides in your grief process. You should be very proud."

And she was. She really was. She'd begun singing again, nothing much, just a few backup vocals in glee club, some silly songs in the shower. The first time she'd opened her mouth and music came out she had been curled up on the couch with Noah, watching Moulin Rouge and before she knew it she was softly singing along with Nicole Kidman to the Elephant Love Medley. She looked at Noah when she realized she was singing and he was looking back at her, his eyes shining. He hated the movie, she knew, but that night he sang to her every time Ewan McGregor sang to Nicole Kidman, and she sang right back to him.

She knew things had changed between them, though they hadn't discussed it. He spent almost every evening with her and her family, stopping home after school to check on his mother and sister before heading to the Berry house for dinner and movies. Between his visits and her therapy they were often together more than apart and she knew that meant something. He wasn't running around town having sex with anyone he could get his hands on, and she knew that for a fact, because he said she'd been the last one he'd slept with, the night of Brittany's party. She knew that meant something too, but she wasn't ready to go there yet.

She was still struggling to get caught back up with school, and Noah was actually being pretty helpful with that. He went to all his classes, did all the homework, usually with her at her kitchen table after dinner. He helped her with the classes he could, and when he couldn't he always had someone on call. Mike was astoundingly good at physics, so he was often over, helping her with the theories and formulas she had missed at the beginning of the year. Santana, believe it or not, excelled at English, and she studied with them in the library a few times, catching Rachel up on various Shakespeare plays and the important themes and symbols covered in class. When Rachel giggled and told her what Noah had said about reading the play where "that dude dies" the Latina had scowled and slapped the back on his head. Apparently she was a Shakespeare fan.

Kurt helped with whatever classes he could but they quickly found he was usually more a distraction from studying that he was a help. He had a quirky personality and a short attention span to go with it. She appreciated his help anyway. Mr. Schue of course helped her with her Spanish, and tried to run interference for her with any of her teachers he could. She didn't know what he'd told them, but most of her teachers accepted her late work and let her make up tests or do extra credit, even Coach Sylvester, who she had for Health.

Rachel slowly felt herself returning to normal, as normal as she could be. She was starting to get an appetite back and had put on five pounds since she'd started therapy. She didn't know if that was a good thing, but Noah had assured her that it was. She started wearing her hair long again, the way she loved it, even to school. Noah had even managed to convince her to get rid of the hooded sweatshirts she had been so fond of wearing. Her fathers had given her their credit card and Quinn happily accompanied her to the mall to buy some new things. She bought mostly sweaters, normal ones without animals on them, but Noah had kissed her cheek and told her as long as they weren't hooded sweatshirts, he was happy.

She continued seeing Laura on a regular basis and had even managed to convince Noah to sit in on a session with her once. That had been her most difficult session, opening up and confessing her guilt and her fears about the future and listening as he expressed his. It was so hard to hear the self-loathing in his voice when he talked about how much pain she'd been in, because of him. How he'd destroyed both her and Quinn's lives and hadn't had to take much of the fall for that. Laura had sat quietly and let them talk and by the time the session was over Rachel was crying and Puck's eyes were suspiciously red, but they walked away from it with a new understanding of each other and a new respect for themselves.

She thought maybe they really would be ok after all.

Puck was so proud of Rachel. She had marched into glee club that afternoon and announced that was ready to sing something, anything, and had immediately been bombarded with sheet music from all sides. She sang a piece Mr. Schue gave her, a happy, upbeat piece, and everyone had so missed her voice so much that they handed her another song, and then another, until practice turned into their very own Rachel Berry concert, for their ears only.

He'd sat back and watched her sing, tentative at first, her voice feeling out the notes. But by the end, she was shining, radiating emotion and everyone basked in it. He thought maybe Rachel Berry was finally back.

He knew things would still be hard sometimes. Her due date had come and her dads had offered to take her to a nice dinner, but she declined. Quinn had offered to come over with junk food and chick flicks, but Rachel said no. He had offered to come over but she said she just wanted to be alone.

He knew she was shutting him out again and he wasn't going to let her do it, not today, a day they needed each other.

He had no problem with showing up at her house anyway, nodding to her Dad when he opened the door and pointed toward the stairs. He had no issue whatsoever with kicking his shoes off and climbing in bed behind her, pulling her tight against him as her body shook with sobs. He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.

When she woke hours later, she seemed embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why?"

"I'm ok, I really am. I feel like I'm getting better. But today-"

"Baby," he interrupted gently, "today you're allowed to be a mess. Today it's ok. Not every day is going to be easy and you don't have to be strong all the time. There will be good days and bad days and this was obviously going to be a bad one. It's ok."

She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead against his. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."


	12. Epilogue

Three days had passed since her due date and Rachel felt for the first time that she would be ok. She was almost completely caught back up in her classes, thanks to Mr. Schue and Noah and the rest of the glee club. Her grades weren't completely back to where they had previously been, but she still had a decent GPA and she was trying.

She finally had friends, for the first time in her life. She thought that maybe she had them before, but the lines had been kind of muddled, for all involved. But she had Noah now, her best friend, and Quinn, also a best friend. The girls spent many afternoons together after school, studying or hanging out with Noah and sometimes Finn, occasionally shopping at the mall or taking in a movie with Brittany and Santana. The girls had warmed to her, or maybe she had warmed to them, and she was grateful. She realized what she had been missing out on all those years of driving people away.

The nightmares were coming less and less now, especially since she had started her therapy. She was glad to let the feelings out and not wake up crying every night. She was actually sleeping almost normally now. She hadn't seen an infomercial in weeks.

She and Noah hadn't talked about the "I love you" they had exchanged. She wasn't sure how to even bring it up. She had discussed him and her feelings with Laura in therapy, of course, but she hadn't even considered talking to him about it. But in that moment, he was so tender, so loving, and she just felt it so overwhelmingly that she had to say it. And she had been overjoyed when he'd said it back, as naturally as he breathed. But they hadn't discussed it.

She wasn't sure she was ready for a relationship yet. Or everything a relationship entailed. The first time she had sex she'd gotten pregnant, and a world of hurt had stemmed from that. She was nowhere near ready to try that again.

Intellectually she knew there were precautions to take. Birth control, condoms, things like that, but she wasn't sure if the emotional trauma had subsided enough to attempt anything like that, and Laura had agreed that she needed more time.

She supposed it was a good sign, though, that he was still around. He showed up at her locker every morning before math class and they walked in together. He sat with her and Quinn and occasionally the glee kids every day at lunch. Still came to her house almost every night for dinner, occasionally inviting her over to his house to spend time with his family. He hadn't bolted, hadn't tried anything sexual, he was just there.

Sometimes he would hold her hand. It had become a regular habit after he had randomly grabbed her hand in the hallway at school one day. She hadn't let go and neither had he. And now it was a regular occurrence for the rest of the students at McKinley High to see their hands joined, swinging between them as they walked down the hall.

She wasn't completely the same person, she knew. She was quieter as a general rule now, more reserved, more mature. But she had made great strides in finding a balance between the person that she had been before and the person she had been after the miscarriage.

Daddy had tentatively brought up the idea of college recently, where she thought she might want to go, now that it looked like she would be graduating on time with the rest of her friends. He asked about Julliard or another music school in New York. She had thought about it, but the drive just wasn't there anymore. Thinking about going back to New York made her heart clench a little, her stomach drop. She still had her Broadway dreams, of course, and she wasn't giving them up, but she knew plenty of people went to college and still made it to Broadway eventually. She thought she'd be crazy to deprive herself the experience of a real college with real friends and a real life. She'd go to school somewhere and make a ton of contacts and end up on Broadway after. She was Rachel Berry, after all. She could do anything she wanted.

When Puck asked her to go to the prom with him that spring, their last one all together, she squealed and threw her arms around him. Her Dad peaked in from the kitchen and laughed as Puck twirled her around, her squeals of "I'm going to the prom!" echoing loudly through the house. Her dads accepted him now, he knew, and he was grateful. He knew not every dad would feel that way, especially after everything, but her dads had been great. They had let him take her to therapy and spend almost every day in their house with her and not once did they mention any kind of rules about being alone or doors being kept open.

Not that they needed to. Puck wasn't pushing anything. Of course, he wanted to, wanted _her_. But she wasn't ready and they weren't ready and that was that. He was surprised, but he was content to just be like this, with her, for as long as he could be. And if she got to a point where she was ready for more, great, but if not, he was still enjoying being with her any way he could.

She had made such amazing progress and he was so proud of her. She seemed to shine a little more every day, and she had rolled her eyes and laughed when he told her so. But he knew she was a little proud of herself too, because, even if she wouldn't admit it, there had been a time that she'd thought things wouldn't work out and that she'd always feel as bad as she had felt. He knew now that she knew otherwise.

So he sent her out, her Daddy's credit card in hand, with Quinn, Brittany and Santana, shopping for prom dresses, telling her to make sure she let him know what color she got. And he and Finn got the number of a limo rental place and made a reservation for a nice dinner, making sure all of it was wheelchair accessible for Artie, because they had all decided to go together, coupled up or not. They were finally the united group Schue had always wanted and the man had beamed proudly when they'd told him.

He picked her up for prom at her house, his mom and sister in tow to take pictures. She came down in a red dress that made his heart stop and his mouth dry up. He embraced her, whispering in her ear how gorgeous she looked, and they posed for his mom and her dads for what felt like a million pictures. His mom and sister latched on to her as they were waiting for the limo to arrive and her dads pulled him aside.

"Noah, we just wanted to tell you how proud we are of you and how grateful," her Daddy said.

"You've made our little girl smile again, and you've stuck by her the whole time," her Dad continued. "We just want you to know, you are welcome here any time, and no matter what happens between you two, we will always be grateful for everything you've done for her."

Puck blinked back the tears that were suddenly prickling his eyes. "I'll always be here for her," he said. "And she's done just as much for me. I should be thanking her. I'm actually passing math this year!"

They all chuckled, well aware by now of his naptime during math class in previous years.

A horn outside sounded and Tina popped her head through the opening in the top of the limo. "Come on, guys!" she called. "We're going to be late for prom!"

After prom came graduation and New Directions took the stage together for one last performance. They sang a medley of Vitamin C's _Graduation_ and Green Day's _Time of Your Life_, with a few verses of _Don't Stop Believing_ thrown in at the end for good measure. They had all jumped at the idea of performing it one last time, the song that had started it all.

They all graduated and got their diplomas, meeting in the choir room after for more pictures. All the parents came and Schue and Ms. Pillsbury were both crying and snapping pictures and hugging everyone.

Mr. Schue had just finished posing for a picture with Mercedes and her mom when Rachel pulled him aside.

"Mr., Schue, I just wanted to say thank you," she said. "Glee club has been an amazing experience and you really have done a great job, even if we didn't always make it easy for you or tell you."

He smiled fondly at her. "It was a heck of a ride," he said. "Both in and out of the choir room. But I'm so proud of you guys, all you guys. And you, Rachel. I'm so proud of you. You've come so far and you have so much farther to go. You're going to be a huge star someday. And if there's ever anything you need, please don't hesitate to ask." He grinned and gestured around him. "You know where to find me."

She smiled and hugged him. "Thanks, Mr. Schue."

After the pictures had been taken and the robes had been discarded, Puck's mom and sister took him out to a joint celebration dinner with Rachel and her dads. As they were sitting around the table, all the people he now considered his family, he cleared his throat.

"I have an announcement to make," he said.

They all looked at him expectantly.

"I know Rachel already got her acceptance to Ohio State," he started. Her letter had come last week, and she had already made plans to room with Quinn in one of the dorms. "I also got a letter in the mail yesterday." He paused, letting them hang, seeing the hope in Rachel's and his mom's eyes. "I got in! Ohio State!"

Rachel squealed and threw herself at him. "We're going together," she murmured in his ear. "That's so perfect."

He smiled back and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, babe, it is. Absolutely perfect."

**Author's Note**: Thank you guys so much for all the comments! The chapter 6/chapter 8 repost has been corrected, so head on back and read it! And if you haven't already, check out my first Glee fic, All That Matters, it's not as heavy, I promise!


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